Reckless and negligent.

The future legal minds of southeastern Pennsylvania were out in force on Friday night... and they were ridiculously sloppy.  Gosh dang I love you guys, but y'all were ridiculous.

I'm completely aware of my own bias when it comes to the effects of alcohol, as I've never been a big drinker, ever.  I was on the substance-free floor my first year of college, and spent most of my time going to church choir and playing French horn.  Glory days, fo' sho'. 

Aaaaanyway.  Friday night was Red Mass, a big ol' celebration for law people everywhere, and people told me they overheard people discussing pre-gaming Red Mass.  Yeah I'ma shoot that one down.  Still church.  After the service, there was a reception at the law school (most people were like FREE ALCOHOL) and then another thing at a bar.  I don't think the bar was prepared for several hundred well-dressed young people so everything got a little crazy.  The following list was inspired by Friday night, but it's definitely been a series of data collections over several years. 

1. PDA = Just say NO.
No, I don't mean act like your significant other has smallpox: I won't light you on fire if you're holding hands.  However, if I see you sword-fighting with your tongues and I can't see your hands, I will be uncomfortable.  There are very few moments where macking in public is acceptable to me: an airport arrivals gate, a wedding, mistletoe, maybe a few others.  Things that don't count? "Oh, babe, you look sa-MOKING tonight, you're so hot!" and "giggle I'm pretty drunk,can... can I have 'nother drink?  Pleeeeease?"  Generally you're too far away for me to do much, but if you're in my way, you can bet your bottom dollar that I will pull you apart like you're at a middle school dance on my way to the bathroom.  Save it for later kiddies.

2. This is my dance space, this is your dance space.
Yeah I just quoted Dirty Dancing and you love it.  But yes, for the record, your inebriation does not grant you 6 times the dance space that my sobriety grants me.  This is directed mostly at dudes doing what I like to call the "RNC delegates dropped into a house-music club" dance which consists of alternating the angle your elbow is held at and punching the air.  Expert moves include incorporating your legs and fnding the beat.  If you hit me with your chicken arm, or back up into me, I will shove you.  It will happen.  I don't like to be touched all that much to begin with, and since I already had to get super-friendly with about 45 people just because I was trying to reach the bar I really, really don't want you to bump into me.  No touching. 

3. The staff don't hate you. 
If you're missing your ID and the bouncer gives you a hard time, don't get shocked or try to fight him.  The waitress is not a "bitch" bcause she won't serve you.  It's okay to get mad at the system, but these people are just following directions from their bosses.  Friday night I asked the under-staffed bartender if I could tack on my drink to a larger order, and apologized to her for bothering her.  The girl next to me said that I didn't need to apologize because it's her job.  I responded with, "It's not her fault that the bar under-staffed tonight."  So maybe I get a little worked up when I see people treating someone in a service industry poorly, but seriously, don't take out your I-haven't-had-nearly-enough-alcohol-tonight issues (or worse, I've-had-too-much) on some chick whose trying to fill an order for 6 Irish car bombs.

4. Don't wear heels if you can't handle them.
I know that I can't, so I avoid wearing them at all costs.  Therefore, when you are stumbling around on your stilettos in front of my car and I really, really want you to move, I super-hate your footwear choice of the evening.  If you can't handle the strappies without eating it on the slippery bar floor by the end of the night, maybe don't wear them.  I can generally pick these girls out before they even start drinking because instead of actually rolling their feet when they walk, Top Model-style, they put their whole foot down on the ground at once like a Budweiser Clydesdale.  There's no shame in flats, ladies, and I might decide to NOT run you over with my car if you can book. 

I'm sure I'll think of more, but this is what I've got so far.  Pray for me and my abandoned and malignant heart, but gosh darn do drunk people get me mad.