Aight punks, I just wrote an exceptionally long paper dedicated to caregiving (like when people take care of their family members without pay because they love them), and this is an issue exceptionally close to my heart, as my grandmother lived with me, my sister, and my parents for fifteen years.
However, we are now all essentially Mount Doom-ed because all the people my parents' age are retiring soon. You may have heard of this problem, it's only been on every aspect of news media all day every day since about 2007 (Linsanity! Wait, that's not right...)
So, after much thought and about 75 footnotes, I have a solution.
NO ONE RETIRES. Stay with me everybody.
Social Security? SOLVED.
Medicare? SOLVED.
Bored retirees showing up to Tea Party events? SOLVED.
This would also fix the job crisis among young people. There would be a new booming career field called "Carrying the Old People Around at Their Jobs that They're Not Allowed to Leave." All the young people would be fitted with a sort of geriatric holster and then cart their aged person of choice around an office, a factory, or whatever.
The Olds who put up a fight will all be sent to the same condominium complex where they will each be told that there is an upcoming election for the presidency of the complex but not actually told the date of this election. They will also be told that they are the "perfect person for this position." That way, the most difficult of the retirees will spend time battling each other, and also keeping local signmakers in business (Vote for EARL! He's a PEARL!)
The ones who put up a REALLY big fight will be posted around our natural parks and any other parts of nature that we choose to protect. They would get the title "Yard Guard" and legit just get to say "Get off my lawn, ya darn kids!" to ANYONE who tried to f*** with the environment. They would not be armed, but they would be allowed to keep their canes and walkers, so yeah, kinda armed.
Y'all know this is brilliant. Who's with me?
