Know what you're talking about before you run your mouth.

Can I just say something?

This has happened way too many times, starting the day that I committed to going to Brown.  I get that we have the hippie reputation of the Ivies, a hippie reputation in general, and we do quite a bit to encourage that.  We generally like our progressive rep, our lack of a core curriculum, our focus on the undergrad part of the school, etc.  But this still really, really bugs me.

WE STILL DO WORK.

We have grades, people, okay?  Yeah, you can take every single class pass/fail, but if you do that grad schools will laugh at you.  You can find "easy" majors, but then a lack of connections will screw you, hugely, in the real world.  You can just not attend classes, but you'll fail them.  You can drop a class the day before the final, but that generally still means you have to make it up, AND you used up a ton of time studying for it.  We don't have pluses or minuses, but you can still get a C.  When you fail, the class doesn't show up, but you'll probs still have to retake it and you won't get credit for it and that sucks. 

Seriously, you can make your life really easy at Brown, but many (most?) of the students there choose to work their butts off.  I can say from experience that nearly all the science classes I took were not "cut up this frog lol," and they had labs that were basically the length of all the Land Before Time movies back-to-back.  My poor engineering friends would disappear for weeks at a time and God knows where they went.  Math people?  God bless with those problem sets that you seemed to have due every 12 hours.  And for those who wrote papers: no, those aren't exams, but they take a TON of time if you care about them.  And once again, most people care, wrote well, and tried to say something more original than "Huck Finn is pretty racist if you think about it.  AMIRITE?" 

If you weren't in class, you were probably devoting your time to about 8 extra-curriculars at once, or only one that took over your life.  People were raising money, tutoring, inviting speakers, writing for newspapers, playing music, running organizations.  Fine, some were left-wing, progressive, weird, whatever... but they STILL TAKE EFFORT TO RUN.  If your activity was the notorious "underwater basket weaving" of lore, you would still need to take scuba classes, pass the exam, collect organic, local, fair-trade, basket-making supplies, petition for a budget, recruit members, and probably sell your baskets and donate the money to a homeless shelter.  This weird shit takes TIME, MONEY, AND EFFORT.

While most people I know realize that I, personally, would not have spent four years barefoot in a swirly skirt, ribbon-dancing across the Main Green with flowers in my hair, many people seem to think that most Brown students fall into two camps: high for four straight years, and Emma Watson.  This is a lie.  Brown regularly kicked my butt and handed it to me, and if you think this is easy, show up and I'll throw you in an orgo lab, make you write a history paper, and tutor 80 underprivileged fourth-graders AT ONCE.  Good luck. 

If that doesn't sound super fun, shut your mouth.  You know nothing.   

...is singing loud for all to hear.

Christmas is a time for extremes.  Really, really awesome stuff happens in the month of December, and really uncool stuff happens.  If there were a movie pack of December, it would contain When Harry Met Sally and Jersey Girl, for like 10 dollars.  You know it's a pretty decent deal at 5 dollars for each movie, but you also know that you're basically paying 10 dollars for WHMS.  You ain't gon' watch Jersey Girl.  (Aside: if you like that movie, we're done.)  Summary, you buy it anyway because OH MA GAH When Harry Met Sally is so boss.

I think Christmas music is the best example of this.

Best and worst in all of us.  The Baby Jesus Music is my fave, mostly because a lot of it is old, classical type stuff with powerful lyrics.  "O Holy Night" reinforces my belief in God like no other not just because of the lyrics, but because of the power and beauty in the sustained notes.  "Joy to the World" is just good times, "Silent Night" is so pretty and a positive reinforcement loop with the music and lyrics, and if you can hear TSO's version of "Carol of the Bells" and not start playing air guitar, you're a better person than I am.
Non-Baby Jesus Music is also pretty cool.  I dare you not to smile when "All I Want For Christmas Is You" comes on, and "Sleigh Ride" makes me feel like a 3-year-old.

My holiday time at Kohl's can also tell me exactly how wrong Christmas music can go.

The timeless *NSYNC ballad "Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays." I shouldn't have to walk you through this one.

"Simply Having A Wonderful Christmas Time."  I DARE you to not get this stuck in your head.  It's hard to decide what my favorite part is: the electronic echoes or the repetitive chorus.

"Baby It's Cold Outside": yes, the song's kind of cute in Elf, but you know that slightly off, uncomfortable feeling you get during that scene?  Multiply it by like a million if you listen to the lyrics.  Chick keeps drinking and decides not to leave.  Romantic? UR DOIN IT WAY RONG.
One of the lines is "Say, what's in this drink?"  Really.  That's a line.  That should never, EVER be a question after you've started drinking. 

"Santa Baby": this song is a human rights violation (look it up) and we had TWO versions.  I'm legit gonna go through every line of this song because each and every one is the equivalent of an eardrum Chernobyl.
Santa baby
Slip a sable under the tree
What is this.  Siriusly.  I have no clue.  Should I know?  Can it fit under the tree?
For me
I've been an awful good girl
You sing this (whoever "you" are, it's like a requirement or something) in a cutesy, nauseating voice that's a combination of Shirley Temple and the people I hated in middle school.  Can you have daddy issues with Santa?  Is that even allowed?
So hurry down the chimney tonight
I'm uncomfortable.
Santa baby
A '54 convertible too
Light blue
Can you drive?  I doubt it.  And don't you have to be more specific?  Santa could show up with an 1854 carriage painted boy-baby's-room-blue.
I'll wait up for you dear
Santa baby
So hurry down the chimney tonight
You were so busy dreaming of stuff you can't use you missed the rules.  Don't wait up for Santa.  You have to go to sleep.  Also, if Santa's the good guy I imagine him to be, he will scurry back on up that chimney as fast as possible because you seem creepy AND bat-shit insane.  Santa, RUN.  THE COOKIES AREN'T WORTH IT AND SHE PROBABLY SPIKED THE MILK.
Think of all the fun I've missed
Think of all the boys I haven't kissed
Santa, really, I've been SUPER not-skanky this year.  Give me things plz.  We read a dissenting opinion (on attempted crimes) this week in school that discussed how it's not really okay to look at what a potential criminal hasn't done, but instead what he has done.  I'ma send that one to this chick.
Next year I could be just as good
If you check off my Christmas list
Dammit, Santa, I've been a NUN now give me my PRESENTS.  Whiiiiiiiine.
Santa honey, I want a yacht
And really that's not a lot
Really?  Nothing else rhymed with yacht?  Also: now coming in for "baby," it's "honey": a 6'1" sophomore endearment used only by women who want things!  He's had a good start to the season, Phil, there's been a retail spike across the nation, but let's see if he can keep it up, especially since "sweetie" has been riding the bench and is looking for some time on the court!
I've been an angel all year
False.  Skipping the next part as it's a repeat, and then back to the next verse.
There's one thing I really do need
The deed
To a platinum mine 
Does she want the platinum, or the money from the mine?  Based on the collective lyrics, I'm going with this scenario:  she'll pass off the deed to Daddy and ask why the platinum doesn't come out of the ground in the form of large dangly earrings.  Favorite line's coming up.
Santa cutie
Fill my stocking with a duplex, and checks
Sign your X on the line
Oh my God I can write songs too.  "Santa bab...ew, he's old.  Wait, wait, I got this: Santa baby/ fill my stocking with subpar housing/ and out-of-date-payment methods/ Too dumb to ask for some cash/ Santa baby, I like making unnecessary trips to the bank."
Come and trim my Christmas tree
With some decorations bought at Tiffany
But you already have the platinum mine, doll!
I really do believe in you 
Let's see if you believe in me
HAHAHAHAHAHA.  Can't say I do.
Santa baby
Forgot to mention one little thing, a ring
And I don't mean on the phone
Santa baby
So hurry down the chimney tonight
Dear Lord Jesus.  No one thought that's what you meant.  Again, you have the platinum mine!  Unless you want Santa to propose, and then that's about 10 pounds of crazy in a 5 pound bag.  Mrs. Claus gon' be piiiiissed.

Taylor Swift has a version of this and I don't care how much you love her DON'T go looking for it because you're better than that and honestly so is she I don't even know why she made a version of that song with her occasional adorable southern accent but she leaves out the duplex verse so she's at least got that going for her.  Liking Taylor Swift: legit.  Liking this song, even when sung by Taylor Swift: not legit.