I'll make you laugh again soon, I promise.

This isn't a normal entry because it's always difficult to make religious jokes when you're actually religious.  It's been a rough week, I'm sad and angry, and I've been wanting to post this for a while.

You all probably know by now that I'm Catholic.  Whether you've heard me singing dorky church songs in the shower, or watched me awkwardly walk out of the chapel at Nova after daily Mass, or watched me pray and cross myself before exams, or just had a not-quite-argument about religion, you know I send some messages up to God and believe that Jesus is my savior.  And I'd just like to take a moment to clarify things for people if I can.  I'm hoping this doesn't go too far into an overshare, but I'll try to stay on that line.

Also, apologies, this isn't funny.  Amusing update soon.

I will never, ever, tell you you're going to Hell, or attempt to convert you.  If you want to talk to me about religion, I will do my absolute best to be an accurate and worthy representative of the Church.  I will not pray for you unless you say it's okay.  I have no clue if you're going to Hell or not, and to say I know the answer to that question is playing God to a degree that's wrong: that's a decision He gets to make, and no one else.

Bit of applicable politics: I'm super pro-life (in that I think life begins at conception), but I can appreciate the difficulty associated with making the decision to abort or not.  I'll never call you a "murderer": while I feel a life has ended, I realize you don't think it has, and so there's no malice behind your actions.  My actions tend to focus less on the legality of abortion and more on efforts to make sure that no woman feels she is forced into aborting because she doesn't have a network to help her raise the child.

I'm not against contraception, as a blanket statement, and I realize some young people will have sex regardless of the education they receive.  However, I also become frustrated when I hear people say that remaining a virgin until marriage is not a feasible option.  It may not be for some people, but in the same way that saying "no sex or you will get pregnant and die" is generalizing too much, so is saying that people will and should have sex.  I've chosen to wait because I've analyzed and agree with the Church's teaching on this, because of my pro-life position, and because this is what's right for me.  I'm not waiting because I'm brainwashed, or because I'm not empowered enough.  I would never call you a slut: please don't call me a prude.

I heart evolution.  Science fans, fun fact: the Catholic Church is good with evolution, all the way up to the pope, so it's not us, I swear.  Every Christian everywhere: understanding and accepting evolution does NOT make you love God any less.  They are compatible, I promise, and I will talk to you about this as much as you want.  Instead of fighting science, let's find how it all fits together.  And just for the record, if your answer is "well, then a miracle occurred" for a scientific question, PLEASE do not treat this as science.  First of all, and I'm stealing a Terry Pratchett quote from my profile, "Just because you can explain it doesn't mean it's not still a miracle."  Second, if you're insisting on doing rigorous scientific analysis for your theories, that's not gonna cut it.  Please stop acting like these are and must be opposing ideals.  Scientists: you don't have to kill God to continue your research.  Christians: you don't have to make science lose in order for God to win.

I have no objections, moral or otherwise, to homosexuality.  I truly hope everyone can marry whoever they want in the near future.

I pray.  A lot.  At church, outside church, whatever.  And in the past few years I've adjusted my prayers from the child-like "please let so-and-so like me" and "please help me get an A on this test" to "please give me the strength to forgive her" and "please help me focus on what's important."  The "correct" way of praying is to not ask for a lesser burden, but to ask for the ability to handle it.  I pray for other people, but only with their permission, and I really try to not do the "pray in public so everyone knows she's praying" thing, but it happens.  I do fast for Lent (legit fasting Ash Wednesday and Good Friday, no meat for Fridays, and giving something up the other 40 days), and I try not to whine too much, but I'm not so good at it.  There's a Gospel reading in which we are told not to look like we are suffering when we fast: the point isn't to get props from other people.  If only I was better at following this.

And here I get a little angry.

I don't know when or where or how it became acceptable to mock everything associated with Christianity, and I always have a difficult time finding the line between calmly defending myself and becoming un-Christian-ly aggressive, but it happens a LOT in my hearing range.  I don't mind you asking me questions about my faith: please do.  But when I hear you make blanket statements about all priests being pedophiles, or the Church itself being crazy, or saying you don't get how I can be so smart and so religious at the same time, I freak out a little bit. 

I wish I didn't have to walk people through this, but not all priests are pedophiles.  Yes, the church did a shitty job dealing with this, but in the same way "all Muslims are terrorists" is horribly offensive and wrong, so is "all Catholic priests touch little boys."  This is NOT acceptable.  You're gonna make a joke about it?  Really?  About 600 people have done it before, and better than you, and it's still not funny.

Yes, the Catholic church has done things wrong.   A lot of things wrong.  But to me, abandoning the structure does nothing to make things better.  Fix it from the inside.  You don't see the good work it does making headlines, because that's not something anyone wants to read.  Aside from all the poverty relief the church does... there are Catholic schools of higher education.  I attend one.  And yet I often overhear what a general disaster the church and everything associated with it are.  I don't get it.

Lastly: I'm going to give you a few pointers on what not to ask me.
"So you're like... really Catholic, huh?"
How do I answer that?  Loaded question, champ.
"Do you hate gay people/hate Jews/think abortion activists are Satan?"
No, Ignorant Person, I am not Mel Gibson.  Have you met me?  Am I insane?  Do I hate a broad group of people (other than people who are rude to retail and food service workers)?  There you go.
If you haven't met me/don't really know me, why are you asking these things to begin with? 
"How can you POSSIBLY believe there's a God?  IT'S JUST LOGICSHKAJFKGPW...(continued angry ridiculousness)"
Sorry to stop you before you tart, but you're not going to change my mind.  If you're deluded enough to think you're the first person to come to me with "there is no God" arguments, you can add "wrong" to your descriptions.  (Don't quote Richard Dawkins at me or I will SEETHE.)  This does not mean you can't ask "why do you believe in God?"  I'm more than happy to answer that question when it's asked out of genuine curiosity.  It's the manner of questioning that matters here.  If you're jumping into the argument assuming I'm a dumbass because of what I believe, why would I want to talk to you?  If you consider yourself an atheist, I disagree with you, but I certainly don't think you're an idiot.  And I would hope you'd offer me and my beliefs the same amount of respect.

The only way I can think to summarize is this: listen.  Be respectful.  And please think before you speak.