I am an occasional gym-goer. If you average out my attendance in the past two years, I've gone once a week, but what this really means is that I turn into a juiced-up go-getter for two weeks or so and go nearly every day, and then taper off until my deltoids look like Flubber for a bit, and then drag my sorry butt to the gym once again. It's a terrible thing, I know. Which is why I am posting this on here, so everyone can know my shame, and I will hopefully then lessen the shame by finding a happy gym medium somewhere between unsalted butter and The Situation.
I am also a treadmill girl. Most people say it's boring after like, 90 seconds, but for me it's time to not be staring at a casebook or grocery shopping or staring at a casebook or filling up my gas tank or setting a casebook on fire. I get to zone out, and have thoughts like "wow, one of my ears is higher on my head than the other. I never noticed that. And now I get to spend the rest of my life noticing it YAYYY." I don't generally have a certain time I need to do, or an amount I need to run. I run until I can't anymore (sometimes that's a mile and a half, sometimes it's just the half), and then I walk. When I feel okay again, I start running again. And then when I can't, I walk, etc etc (COOL STORY, BRO)
I don't read. I don't watch the TV (unless it's on Cash Cab because dang them gurlz get PAIIIID). I don't even listen to music. I spend my 20, 30, 40 minutes getting gross and wondering why they made a Miss Congeniality 2.
And observing people, obvi!
And may I just say the one thing: I realize that this time is the time for the "New Year's Resolution people" to show up at gyms. Seriously, y'all rock for doing that, and I hope it sticks, but it makes gyms more crowded, and I of all people understand that waiting for a treadmill is hardcore #firstworldproblems but also feels like the end of the frickin' WORLD when you have many things to do that day. I don not WANT to wait, and my impatience could possibly end the world Mayan-style (that is, not at all, because I'm really not that mean).
My bigger issue with gym stuff is generally how I manage to get on the treadmill next to the offspring of Charles Atlas and a gazelle. They start off their warmups at my "top speed" that I maintain for about 30 seconds at the end of my run to "power through" or whatever. They all wear clothing that looks painted on, and painted on by Da Vinci. I have turned into a bright pink version of the Canadian side of Niagara Falls and they look no different than when they started. My steps sound Baby Elephant Walk-ish but less jaunty, and I am convinced that their feet are not actually making contact with the ground.
So, if you see me on a treadmill and my face is that nice mix of exhaustion and "I must look like a boulder that has grown legs" depression, give me a high-five. But maybe wait like ten minutes for me to be able to lift my arm.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Let's get some resolutions up in here.
Hey all,
So, I realize that I am awful at updating this thing in a timely manner. I want to find a way to update more, but since it takes an unreasonable amount of effort to churn out each individual Ming vase of word-paint, I will be forced into simply updating about more life-specific/less hilarious items.
One of my New Year's resolutions is to update once a week. If you see me in person or otherwise and it's been more than a week since this update, feel free to pistol-whip me (h/t Baird Bream). Lightly chastising will work just as well if you don't carry.
Law school, part 4 (The Goblet of F... never mind) starts up on Monday. I do not have grades yet, and won't for a while, so that means that what I WILL have is a series of mini-heart attacks every time the e-mail notification goes off on my phone because in my head it's a Pauly D-esque voice saying "GRADES AH HEAH." Yes, I'm pathetic. Yes, I did this to myself. Yes, I could use some distraction.
I am, however, rull excited about my classes, which is standard nerd cred right there. Since 2012 thus far has included the extended versions of Two Towers and Return of the King, a purchase of Season 1 of Avatar: The Last Airbender, and a Settlers of Catan win, this looks like this is gonna be a good year for nerd cred. Also, since Boyfriend is a gamer (just admit it, champ, it won't hurt), I have watched him play significant amounts of Battlefield 3 and Deus Ex, and hide behind his chair for some Dead Island.
It's okay, I know, you wish you could be this cool.
My one thing to share with the world: when people have hiccups, stop giving them advice on how to cure them. You will get no other response than "shut up, shut UP *HIC* no no no SERIOUSLY shut u-*HIC*" and you will deserve it. Hiccups hurt, and when someone's like "did you hold your breath?! did you drink some water?! DO YOU WANT ME TO SCARE YOU BOOOOOO" all you want to do is punch that person in the face. If you are that person to me, you will get punched, because you've now been warned.
I warn because I care. Make me keep this up, y'all.
So, I realize that I am awful at updating this thing in a timely manner. I want to find a way to update more, but since it takes an unreasonable amount of effort to churn out each individual Ming vase of word-paint, I will be forced into simply updating about more life-specific/less hilarious items.
One of my New Year's resolutions is to update once a week. If you see me in person or otherwise and it's been more than a week since this update, feel free to pistol-whip me (h/t Baird Bream). Lightly chastising will work just as well if you don't carry.
Law school, part 4 (The Goblet of F... never mind) starts up on Monday. I do not have grades yet, and won't for a while, so that means that what I WILL have is a series of mini-heart attacks every time the e-mail notification goes off on my phone because in my head it's a Pauly D-esque voice saying "GRADES AH HEAH." Yes, I'm pathetic. Yes, I did this to myself. Yes, I could use some distraction.
I am, however, rull excited about my classes, which is standard nerd cred right there. Since 2012 thus far has included the extended versions of Two Towers and Return of the King, a purchase of Season 1 of Avatar: The Last Airbender, and a Settlers of Catan win, this looks like this is gonna be a good year for nerd cred. Also, since Boyfriend is a gamer (just admit it, champ, it won't hurt), I have watched him play significant amounts of Battlefield 3 and Deus Ex, and hide behind his chair for some Dead Island.
It's okay, I know, you wish you could be this cool.
My one thing to share with the world: when people have hiccups, stop giving them advice on how to cure them. You will get no other response than "shut up, shut UP *HIC* no no no SERIOUSLY shut u-*HIC*" and you will deserve it. Hiccups hurt, and when someone's like "did you hold your breath?! did you drink some water?! DO YOU WANT ME TO SCARE YOU BOOOOOO" all you want to do is punch that person in the face. If you are that person to me, you will get punched, because you've now been warned.
I warn because I care. Make me keep this up, y'all.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Six reasons why I complain sometimes.
Apologies times a million for slacking. Being a grown-up is hard.
If you talk to me for like, 5 seconds, you know I'm in law school. If you talk to me for 15 seconds, you'll hear me bitch about it. I'm not sure I've made myself clear on why it's so difficult, so I'd like to walk you through some reasons why I pretty much feel like I've been steamrollered during every waking hour (and sometimes sleeping ones...no that's cool, I definitely wanted to dream about Torts.)
1. Your whole grade for a class depends on 3-4 hours
No, really. Your WHOLE. GRADE. is the final exam. There's no midterm, there's no problem sets, there's no "but I went to literally every office hour you had please do not give me that grade I will do anything." Every single exam you have is like the Olympics. Yes, Michael Phelps was in like a trillion events and won all of them because he's a pot-smoking champion with titanium ligaments and a dolphin heart or whatever. But let me state: they were all SWIMMING events. It's not like he had to go re-train for every single event; he still remembers how to swim. Having a torts final and a criminal law final and a civil procedure final is like doing a race involving the butterfly stroke, but then immediately having to go do a shotput event, and then finishing strong with some rhythmic gymnastics. (Probably that hoop thing, too, what the hell is that even I DON'T KNOW.) You also have to train for all of them simultaneously.
2. You can't miss class
Okay, you CAN. I'm not saying if a bus hits you on your way to class that you need to pick your pancreas up off the ground and suck it up for 80 minutes, but barring OUTBREAK!-like illness, you have to go to class. This is for several reasons. One is that they take attendance every day, because if you miss enough classes, you legit don't get credit for the class, because the professor can move to exclude you from the final. Yes, on paper that sounds awesome (WHAT NO FINAL BEST DAY EVER) but really it means "oh hey champ do errythang again." Because you probably can't graduate without whatever class that is. The other major reason is things won't make sense in your notes. Possibly ever. You read for class in order to have the professor tell you where you are right (the facts of the case, sometimes), and where you are wrong (everywhere, about everything). Yes, you can get notes from other people, but they will never look like YOUR notes, and you'll always be a little more confused about that topic/set of cases than you will about the other days.
And this leads me to...
3. Read for class or you're f***ed
No really. This is not like undergrad where it was better if you read, but not a disaster if you didn't. You won't understand a damn thing. And even if you don't read, it's not like "oh okay we covered it, now I don't have to read at all," it's more like "oh sweet now I have to do it at a later time." Class is where you go to get your outside work clarified. No, there is no homework: you don't have to turn in a book report called Our Friend The Commerce Clause. But you HAVE to stay on top of the reading. IT NEVER ENDS. IT NEVER SLOWS DOWN. THE CASES ARE LIKE THAT WILDEBEEST HERD IN THE LION KING. DON'T BE MUFASA. THAT WAS WAAAAY TOO SOON BUT GOSH DARN DO I LOVE CAPSLOCK.
There's yet another reason why you should keep up with your reading.
4. You're gonna get cold-called
Let me see if I can paint a picture for you. You're at a production of Cats. (Hang in there, it gets worse.) You're like 20 minutes in or so, and you're kind of lost, mildly bored and moderately uncomfortable. They keep using unfamiliar words like "jellicle." You just want to call your mommy and tell her you love her.
And then the Rum Tum Tugger pulls you onstage and makes you sing "Memory."
Everyone is now looking at you, and you'd better not screw up the lyrics, or Grizabella's gonna write down in her beat-up notebook that you weren't prepared. And someone dressed in a catsuit is now judging you, along with a bunch of people who paid money to see Cats.
Okay, so my analogy fell apart a little there, but you get it, hopefully. It's scary and embarrassing and it keeps happening just like the show was on Broadway for like 15 years or some ridiculous thing.
5. Gunners
Bigger, badder, more irritating version of That Guy/Girl. This person will not shut up. This person will make your class experience 10 percent more entertaining and 90 percent more filled-with-plots-to-murder. (Protip: don't tell me about them. That's premeditation and it's gonna ratchet up your conviction. Also protip: don't murder.)
If you don't know who the gunner is in your class...it's you.
6. Significant portions of school exist because horrible things happened and you're reminded of them constantly
Much of constitutional law exists because certain people who happened to be in power decided other people didn't matter as much. A lot of torts law exists because horrible accidents happened to people and the only possible way to even come close to fixing it involved money. All of crim exists because people did ATROCIOUS things to other people. All the gradations of homicide and assault exist because lawmakers had to decide just how horrible you have to be for first degree versus second degree. This "people are mean" element doesn't show up in every part of law, but it happens often. And if you let it get to you, it REALLY gets to you.
If you hear me complain, this is why, or at least most of why. Law school be HARD, and there are days I feel like I'm barely hacking it, but hopefully you'll understand why I sometimes gchat you saying "COME RESCUE ME PLEASE THIS IS HARD AND I AM WEAK."
Memoryyyy, all alone in the moooonlight....
If you talk to me for like, 5 seconds, you know I'm in law school. If you talk to me for 15 seconds, you'll hear me bitch about it. I'm not sure I've made myself clear on why it's so difficult, so I'd like to walk you through some reasons why I pretty much feel like I've been steamrollered during every waking hour (and sometimes sleeping ones...no that's cool, I definitely wanted to dream about Torts.)
1. Your whole grade for a class depends on 3-4 hours
No, really. Your WHOLE. GRADE. is the final exam. There's no midterm, there's no problem sets, there's no "but I went to literally every office hour you had please do not give me that grade I will do anything." Every single exam you have is like the Olympics. Yes, Michael Phelps was in like a trillion events and won all of them because he's a pot-smoking champion with titanium ligaments and a dolphin heart or whatever. But let me state: they were all SWIMMING events. It's not like he had to go re-train for every single event; he still remembers how to swim. Having a torts final and a criminal law final and a civil procedure final is like doing a race involving the butterfly stroke, but then immediately having to go do a shotput event, and then finishing strong with some rhythmic gymnastics. (Probably that hoop thing, too, what the hell is that even I DON'T KNOW.) You also have to train for all of them simultaneously.
2. You can't miss class
Okay, you CAN. I'm not saying if a bus hits you on your way to class that you need to pick your pancreas up off the ground and suck it up for 80 minutes, but barring OUTBREAK!-like illness, you have to go to class. This is for several reasons. One is that they take attendance every day, because if you miss enough classes, you legit don't get credit for the class, because the professor can move to exclude you from the final. Yes, on paper that sounds awesome (WHAT NO FINAL BEST DAY EVER) but really it means "oh hey champ do errythang again." Because you probably can't graduate without whatever class that is. The other major reason is things won't make sense in your notes. Possibly ever. You read for class in order to have the professor tell you where you are right (the facts of the case, sometimes), and where you are wrong (everywhere, about everything). Yes, you can get notes from other people, but they will never look like YOUR notes, and you'll always be a little more confused about that topic/set of cases than you will about the other days.
And this leads me to...
3. Read for class or you're f***ed
No really. This is not like undergrad where it was better if you read, but not a disaster if you didn't. You won't understand a damn thing. And even if you don't read, it's not like "oh okay we covered it, now I don't have to read at all," it's more like "oh sweet now I have to do it at a later time." Class is where you go to get your outside work clarified. No, there is no homework: you don't have to turn in a book report called Our Friend The Commerce Clause. But you HAVE to stay on top of the reading. IT NEVER ENDS. IT NEVER SLOWS DOWN. THE CASES ARE LIKE THAT WILDEBEEST HERD IN THE LION KING. DON'T BE MUFASA. THAT WAS WAAAAY TOO SOON BUT GOSH DARN DO I LOVE CAPSLOCK.
There's yet another reason why you should keep up with your reading.
4. You're gonna get cold-called
Let me see if I can paint a picture for you. You're at a production of Cats. (Hang in there, it gets worse.) You're like 20 minutes in or so, and you're kind of lost, mildly bored and moderately uncomfortable. They keep using unfamiliar words like "jellicle." You just want to call your mommy and tell her you love her.
And then the Rum Tum Tugger pulls you onstage and makes you sing "Memory."
Everyone is now looking at you, and you'd better not screw up the lyrics, or Grizabella's gonna write down in her beat-up notebook that you weren't prepared. And someone dressed in a catsuit is now judging you, along with a bunch of people who paid money to see Cats.
Okay, so my analogy fell apart a little there, but you get it, hopefully. It's scary and embarrassing and it keeps happening just like the show was on Broadway for like 15 years or some ridiculous thing.
5. Gunners
Bigger, badder, more irritating version of That Guy/Girl. This person will not shut up. This person will make your class experience 10 percent more entertaining and 90 percent more filled-with-plots-to-murder. (Protip: don't tell me about them. That's premeditation and it's gonna ratchet up your conviction. Also protip: don't murder.)
If you don't know who the gunner is in your class...it's you.
6. Significant portions of school exist because horrible things happened and you're reminded of them constantly
Much of constitutional law exists because certain people who happened to be in power decided other people didn't matter as much. A lot of torts law exists because horrible accidents happened to people and the only possible way to even come close to fixing it involved money. All of crim exists because people did ATROCIOUS things to other people. All the gradations of homicide and assault exist because lawmakers had to decide just how horrible you have to be for first degree versus second degree. This "people are mean" element doesn't show up in every part of law, but it happens often. And if you let it get to you, it REALLY gets to you.
If you hear me complain, this is why, or at least most of why. Law school be HARD, and there are days I feel like I'm barely hacking it, but hopefully you'll understand why I sometimes gchat you saying "COME RESCUE ME PLEASE THIS IS HARD AND I AM WEAK."
Memoryyyy, all alone in the moooonlight....
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Collection of things that bug me.
There is seriously less cohesion in this post than there is in a drop of water (actually, that's not a great comparison...), but there are several things that I've been thinking about lately and they should get said.
1. Girl power/gender roles.
One thing I've heard in my life is "if girls are the same as guys, then why can't I hit a girl?" Okay, seriously? Because hitting people is shitty behavior. Don't hit girls, don't hit guys, don't hit turtles. Why is this even an argument? "If a girl is pissing me off, why can't I punch her in the face? You say you have the same rights as guys, then why can't I punch you?" SHUT. UP. No one is fighting for the right to get punched in the face. This is why it really bugged me that they edited Snooki's getting punched but not Gary from Teen Mom getting hit by Amber. It's not about size comparisons. It's not about men and women. People hitting other people is horrible and shouldn't happen regardless of who the people are. So stop using this as an argument.
2. "Only The Good Die Young."
Everything about this song bugs me. I still don't get the title: if you're "bad" you get to live longer? Logically that's the only conclusion you can come to: just because you're young doesn't mean you're going to die. (I teach formal logic for an LSAT class; don't judge me.) I gots me lots o' favorite lines for this song.
"You Catholic girls start much too late." If you opt out of something that's supposed to be fun, you get a whole bunch of awesome names tacked onto you: frigid, wet blanket, Mom, lame, and my personal favorite, "don't know what you're missing." I'll start when I want to, thank you, Mr. Joel. When this song makes me angry I like to think that "Virginia" is sitting there saying (a la Meg Ryan as Sally), "I never considered not sleeping with you a sacrifice."
"They showed you a statue, told you to pray/they built you a temple and locked you away"
No. "They showed me a loving God, asked if I wanted to pray/I chose to be Catholic, now please go away."
"I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints/the sinners are much more fun" makes me so boiling angry I don't even know how to talk about it. If this line makes sense to you, you've completely misunderstood exactly what makes the "saints" awesome.
3. Bruno Mars
Seriously this is awful. If I hear anything about him going back and forth from catching grenades to not feeling like doing anything and letting things hang loose, I will hang something else. It's not "cute in its simplicity," it's lazy songwriting.
4. Talking about literary genres you don't get
Since I'm a sci-fi and fantasy buff, that's the obvious conclusion here, but this can be applied to anything. First of all, don't say "I don't like [type of book]" if you haven't read any, or if you've read one, or whatever. You don't like that book, or that author, fine. It's probs not the genre. I'm not a big chick lit person, but I've read some pretty awesome entries in that category so I can't exactly summarily dismiss errythang. I read Twilight for this reason.
Second, you're not better than me because you've decided my genre of choice is low-brow. I hate the Twilight series, but as long as you're not making your life decisions on the plot, knock yourself out! And in the same vein, you can go ahead and criticize what I read if you've read it and hated it, but you're not better than me because you're reading God-knows-what and I'm quoting Ender's Game.
Third, this is a shout out to newspapers and magazines: don't let people who hate the genre review books, and don't let people who haven't read the book on which something is based review that either. Read a review a few months back on HBO's Game of Thrones, and the woman obviously hated fantasy and hadn't read the series. How do I know? One of her lines was "omg there r sooo many peeps to keep track of itz HARD" and another was "how any woman ever could like this is wrong." Seriously? Your argument is that there are TOO MANY characters? Get out.
5. Complaining about getting hit on
This one might be my favorite. I've overheard loud conversations more than once on trains and in Starbucks-type places where pretty girls are complaining about attention they are getting from guys. And I'm not talking about "staring through your window with binoculars" dangerous attention. I'm talking about "had the audacity to come say hello at a bar and offer to buy you a drink."
girl 1: Ohmahgah, I was out with Steph this weekend at PinkSparklyPalmTree and this guy just came up to me and started talking!
girl 2: Ugh, I HATE when that happens.Was he at least cute? I doubt it, LOLOLOLOL
girl 1: Haha, he was like four feet tall and I was in my 6 inch stilettos so why bother? And you'll never guess what happened next!!!
me, in my head: I CAN!
girl 2: What? WHAT??
girl 1: he offered to BUY my next DRINK! Can you BELIEVE that? Seriously, dude, I'm way better than you in every possible way, how dare you offer to do something nice?
Seriously, ladies? You're at a BAR, you are PRETTY, and you're ANNOYED when someone pays attention to you and offers to do something nice? I'm not saying you have to take the drink, or that you even have to talk to him, but to get annoyed by the attention is a bitchy move.
I'm sorry for the lack of any sort of central idea in this post, but it's been a while, I owe you all one, and I'm whiny. Much love.
1. Girl power/gender roles.
One thing I've heard in my life is "if girls are the same as guys, then why can't I hit a girl?" Okay, seriously? Because hitting people is shitty behavior. Don't hit girls, don't hit guys, don't hit turtles. Why is this even an argument? "If a girl is pissing me off, why can't I punch her in the face? You say you have the same rights as guys, then why can't I punch you?" SHUT. UP. No one is fighting for the right to get punched in the face. This is why it really bugged me that they edited Snooki's getting punched but not Gary from Teen Mom getting hit by Amber. It's not about size comparisons. It's not about men and women. People hitting other people is horrible and shouldn't happen regardless of who the people are. So stop using this as an argument.
2. "Only The Good Die Young."
Everything about this song bugs me. I still don't get the title: if you're "bad" you get to live longer? Logically that's the only conclusion you can come to: just because you're young doesn't mean you're going to die. (I teach formal logic for an LSAT class; don't judge me.) I gots me lots o' favorite lines for this song.
"You Catholic girls start much too late." If you opt out of something that's supposed to be fun, you get a whole bunch of awesome names tacked onto you: frigid, wet blanket, Mom, lame, and my personal favorite, "don't know what you're missing." I'll start when I want to, thank you, Mr. Joel. When this song makes me angry I like to think that "Virginia" is sitting there saying (a la Meg Ryan as Sally), "I never considered not sleeping with you a sacrifice."
"They showed you a statue, told you to pray/they built you a temple and locked you away"
No. "They showed me a loving God, asked if I wanted to pray/I chose to be Catholic, now please go away."
"I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints/the sinners are much more fun" makes me so boiling angry I don't even know how to talk about it. If this line makes sense to you, you've completely misunderstood exactly what makes the "saints" awesome.
3. Bruno Mars
Seriously this is awful. If I hear anything about him going back and forth from catching grenades to not feeling like doing anything and letting things hang loose, I will hang something else. It's not "cute in its simplicity," it's lazy songwriting.
4. Talking about literary genres you don't get
Since I'm a sci-fi and fantasy buff, that's the obvious conclusion here, but this can be applied to anything. First of all, don't say "I don't like [type of book]" if you haven't read any, or if you've read one, or whatever. You don't like that book, or that author, fine. It's probs not the genre. I'm not a big chick lit person, but I've read some pretty awesome entries in that category so I can't exactly summarily dismiss errythang. I read Twilight for this reason.
Second, you're not better than me because you've decided my genre of choice is low-brow. I hate the Twilight series, but as long as you're not making your life decisions on the plot, knock yourself out! And in the same vein, you can go ahead and criticize what I read if you've read it and hated it, but you're not better than me because you're reading God-knows-what and I'm quoting Ender's Game.
Third, this is a shout out to newspapers and magazines: don't let people who hate the genre review books, and don't let people who haven't read the book on which something is based review that either. Read a review a few months back on HBO's Game of Thrones, and the woman obviously hated fantasy and hadn't read the series. How do I know? One of her lines was "omg there r sooo many peeps to keep track of itz HARD" and another was "how any woman ever could like this is wrong." Seriously? Your argument is that there are TOO MANY characters? Get out.
5. Complaining about getting hit on
This one might be my favorite. I've overheard loud conversations more than once on trains and in Starbucks-type places where pretty girls are complaining about attention they are getting from guys. And I'm not talking about "staring through your window with binoculars" dangerous attention. I'm talking about "had the audacity to come say hello at a bar and offer to buy you a drink."
girl 1: Ohmahgah, I was out with Steph this weekend at PinkSparklyPalmTree and this guy just came up to me and started talking!
girl 2: Ugh, I HATE when that happens.Was he at least cute? I doubt it, LOLOLOLOL
girl 1: Haha, he was like four feet tall and I was in my 6 inch stilettos so why bother? And you'll never guess what happened next!!!
me, in my head: I CAN!
girl 2: What? WHAT??
girl 1: he offered to BUY my next DRINK! Can you BELIEVE that? Seriously, dude, I'm way better than you in every possible way, how dare you offer to do something nice?
Seriously, ladies? You're at a BAR, you are PRETTY, and you're ANNOYED when someone pays attention to you and offers to do something nice? I'm not saying you have to take the drink, or that you even have to talk to him, but to get annoyed by the attention is a bitchy move.
I'm sorry for the lack of any sort of central idea in this post, but it's been a while, I owe you all one, and I'm whiny. Much love.
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