It's ours now, b****.

Logged about 12 miles last week, all three treadmill workouts.  Not great but I'm easing back in from being sick, and my goofy late evening treadmill one on Wednesday was extra awesome because it was the longest one yet, about 4.3 miles!  Also I was racing the girl next to me and I won.  I won because I adjusted the rules as we both ran and because she did not know we were competing.  I should do that all the time, I'd always win!

I don't have a segue for this.  I just have some things to say, so here they are.  

Just to start this off: I love Louis CK.  I think he's absolutely hilarious and brilliant and makes you uncomfortable in the best possible way.  He's also absurdly self-aware.  He's white and male and a whole bunch of other privileged things, and he knows it.  This is evidenced in much of his standup, but I think it's extra clear in this clip.  Also, I'm assuming you know this, but don't listen to any of his stuff at work.  Like, ever.  Or in front of children or in-laws or interviewers.

However, there's one thing I don't think he understands, and that's the concept of "bad words."  In this clip, he talks about words not being bad, but that people use them to hurt each other and they become bad.  The three specific ones he uses as examples are (and I cringe even typing them), "faggot," "cunt," and "nigger."

I just can't agree with his classification.  No, the arrangement of the letters in any of those words is not inherently bad, and I can type them and say them in a discussion without any malice.  However, that word has a history, and it involves a time where people who looked like me could legally own people who had darker skin.

I don't get to decide whether this word gets reclaimed or not.  And words can be reclaimed: the most successful example usually cited is the reclaiming of "queer."  This word can now even be used by people outside the community (disclaimer: people who aren't saying it to hate) to describe those in it.  But THEY were the ones who get to decide.  My friends told me it was okay to use.  Straight, white girl over here doesn't get to decide whether hate speech directed at you and people like you is now okay or not.  You can say "nigger," but I can't?  Oh, wait, that's actually totally fair.  

There are many privileged groups I belong to, and I try to be aware of them.  I'm white, I'm able-bodied, I'm broke but not poor (there's a difference!), I'm straight, and there's more.  I don't get to decide whether it's okay to use TONS of words used to make those groups feel awful.  But I'm not male.  So I have a whole host of words to choose from that all make me feel worthless due to my absence from that privileged group.  I've recently tried to drop "bitch" from my vocabulary: it's a gendered insult.  I caught myself this summer using it to describe opposing counsel, and realized that it was an awful thing to do: yes, she was being condescending and rude and a whole host of other things, but none of those things had to do with the fact that she was a woman.   

And here's where it gets uncomfortable: I don't really want to hang on to those words.  I don't want to reclaim "bitch" or "whore" and especially not "cunt."  I don't want to call other women this, and it makes me really uncomfortable to hear them as greetings tossed around by other women.  "What up, bitch?" is cringe-worthy, and don't you dare tell me that makes me over-sensitive.

I'm "oversensitive" because men (and sometimes other women) have used and STILL use those words to make my existence less legitimate.  I'm not just mean, I'm a WOMAN who's mean, and that's worse, so I get called a "bitch."  "Cunt" feels even worse.  It means I'm horrible, I'm cruel, I'm worthless, and all of those characteristics are a result of having certain body parts.

Having some guy, any guy, tell me there's nothing inherently wrong with "cunt" is unacceptable because it's not true.  The second you can separate centuries of discrimination and stereotypes from that word, it's yours to use.  Until then, no dice.