Trying a new thing for this post, and hoping that if I pick a theme I may update more often. I recently turned in a brief, so my life is hypothetically my own again (no longer belongs to the 4th Amendment) and I have spring break now so I hope to make you laugh once again. Plus, this is WAY more fun to write about than warrantless searches. The day my brief was due I definitely looked like Ke$ha and the Grim Reaper made a baby (IT'S A GIRL)
Wake up in the morning feelin' like Grim Reaper
Grab my scythe I'm out the door I'm gonna be a creeper
'Fore I leave, shine my skull with a bottle of Jack
I may not be the greatest party but my robes sure are black
I'M TALKIN'
Sorry, done.
This is unrelated to the rest of the post, but if you are lost on a road, please DO NOT drive 15 under the speed limit and brake at every street. Pull over. Figure out where you are. If you don't do this, I will hunt you down, sedate you, and alter your cerebrum so that you now hear the word "got" as spoken by Ke$ha, "love" as sung by Celine Dion, and "under" as sung by the lead singer of Creed. Forever. Yeah, that's right.
Today's recent hit song that's getting torn apart is Enrique Inglesias' "Tonight," featuring Ludacris. Heyy lyrics, heyyy.
I know you want me
I made it obvious that I want you too
How? The song? And how do you know for a fact that she wants you? That's a bold statement, Enrique.
So put it on me
Let's remove the space between me and you
Wait, wait... put WHAT on you? My drink on your tab? Gladly. Also "remove the space" is a really awkward line, champski. Just say come closer.
So move your body
Damn I like the way that you move
So give it to me
Cause I already know what you wanna do
She's probs already dancing, champ, but if not, I do like how you're all like, "DANCE monkey DANCE" and then two seconds later like, "nice job!" Also, what is she giving to you? Is this still the drink on your tab thing? Because I'd like that. What does she wanna do? I don't know, fill me in! Suspense is killing me!
Here's the situation
Been to every nation
Nobody's ever made me feel the way that you do
The lovely Adrienne had something to say about this: "Has he really been to every nation? Even Vanuatu? Even Trinidad and Tobago? Even Eritrea?" Plus you know the Pope is chillin' in Vatican City and shouting out "BITCH WE COUNT AND YOU AIN'T BEEN HERE." Just kidding, the Pope wouldn't say that. It'd be in Latin.
You know my motivation
Given my reputation
Please excuse me I don't mean to be rude
But tonight I'm f***ing you
Your... reputation? Enrique? Enrique "I Can Kiss Away the Pain" Inglesias? Enrique "I Don't Wanna Be In The Dark Tonight" Inglesias? You've been with the same woman for nearly a decade. Yes, that woman is Kournikova, but your reputation is Enrique "oh my God I loved this ballad when I was in seventh grade" and "we're karaoke-ing this right now because I've had 6 shots" Inglesias.
Also, not meaning to be rude? ur doin it rong. Does this line "do it" for anyone? It makes me feel uncomfortable. And the radio version makes me pee myself laughing: he doesn't mean to be rude but tonight he's loving you. AWWWW ENRIQUE
You're so damn pretty
If I had a type then baby it would be you
...huh? Are you too cool to have a type? Is having a type uncool? What happened?
I know you're ready
If I never lied then baby you'd be the truth
Aaaaand challenging the last line for pure WTF-ness is this gem. Is this part of your non-existent reputation? How is she the truth? Is this chick the Mirror of Erised or Veritaserum (HP reference CHHHHECK)? I'm not even kidding can someone plz fill me in on what he's trying to convey here?
been to every nation, banging you tonight, etc.
Hey Luda, how you be? Your turn!
Tonight I'm gonna do
Everything that I want with you
Everything that you need
Everything that you want
I wanna honey
I wanna stunt with you
I'm really hoping that everything that you want and everything that SHE wants are the same. Also, have your parents never walked you through the difference between a want and a need? Come on, Luda. Also, suburban white girl says: I really am still not sure when the word "stunt" is appropriate.
From the window
To the wall
Gonna give you, my all
Li'l Jon was reached for comment: "WHHAAAT? OKAY!"
Winter and summertime
When I get you on the springs
I'm gonna make you fall
No. You're better than that.
You got that body that make me wanna
Get up on the floor just to see you dance
Make sure to move too, Luda, otherwise you're That Creepy Guy at the club.
And I love the way you shake that ass
Turn around and let me see them pants
Oh, Ludacris, you charmer. They probably look the same from the front. Also I absolutely just started humming "Tuuurn arooooound, bright eyes" at that line, so now I wrecked it.
You're stuck with me
I'm stuck with you
Let's find something to do
Please excuse me I don't mean to be rude
Was there a comically-timed power outage to make you get stuck with each other? Handcuffs that someone lost the key to? How are you stuck with each other? Also I generally think of something else to do before I jump to sexytimes. Just a thought.
And you DO mean to be rude. I also hope you both got your own girl. Otherwise Luda is either the best or worst wingman for 'Rique, I can't decide.
And it continues for the lovely chorus, and wraps up with OOOOooooh, OOOOoooooooh, fading out. I picture Enrique and Ludacris fading into the background, giving each other fistpumps and going home alone. This song is absurd. And now I have Total Eclipse of the Heart in my head, and you do too. AND I NEEEEED YOU MORE THAN EVAAAAAR
Love you guys.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
To the pain.
That's what law school feels like sometimes. "It means I leave you in anguish. Wallowing in freakish misery forever." Whaddup Westley.
Just wanted to say despite my last post, thank you to everyone who made me feel happy on my birthday, and the lack of posting is a direct reflection of the metric ton of law school crap that has landed on me. I will update soon. I have not forgotten you. (All 12 or so of you.)
If you see me around, ignore the fact that I look like KE$HA, sound like JWOWW and probs smell like the Bog of Eternal Stench. Ignore it and don't point it out because I'll disembowel you. I HATE THIS BRIEF.
Lots of love coming soon.
Just wanted to say despite my last post, thank you to everyone who made me feel happy on my birthday, and the lack of posting is a direct reflection of the metric ton of law school crap that has landed on me. I will update soon. I have not forgotten you. (All 12 or so of you.)
If you see me around, ignore the fact that I look like KE$HA, sound like JWOWW and probs smell like the Bog of Eternal Stench. Ignore it and don't point it out because I'll disembowel you. I HATE THIS BRIEF.
Lots of love coming soon.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
One day, there will be a federal holiday on my birthday. Until then...
This part has nothing to do with the rest of the post, but I was told earlier this week, "You seem like the kind of person who secretly has a tattoo. Like, all of Corinthians on your back, in really tiny print." ('sup Tarik. Yeah, you is gettin' a shout-out.) I can't decide if this is absurdly accurate or just absurd but either way I love it. Thoughts/opinions?
There is very little limit to the things I hate this week. The list includes people who park across two spaces, that ten minutes in the morning when not one of my radio presets is actually playing music, those who speak when they have no clue about the topic, anyone who stands in doorways when I'm trying to walk, my brief, getting cold-called and being on call in one day, the completely inadequate amount of sleep I've received in the past three days, the fact that I'm currently blogging instead of writing my brief, aaaaand the fact that I just used "blog" as a verb. I told myself I wouldn't go there, and I did. Oh, I did.
Guess what, kiddies? My FAVE holiday is coming up, and I think you all know what it is!!!!111 VALENTINE'S DAYYYYYYAAAAYYY!
I don't know if I have any readers who don't know me personally/don't have access to my Facebook page, but my unfortunate day of birth is February 14th. Frankly, this is bullshit. I am not designed to be born on that day. However, because I am, I decided a long time ago that this gave me the Golden Ticket to get into the factory, drink the whole damn chocolate river, and hate on V-Day as much as humanly possible. I am also going to call the day in question VD for the rest of the post, and you will both enjoy it and appreciate it, mmmkay?
You may find it interesting to know that I am not single, and still hate this holiday. My poor boy is scrambling as we speak to not be a fail for both my birthday and TEH MOST ROMANTIK DAI EVAR and in case I wasn't clear enough to him over the past week: calm down, dude. You doin' jus' fine.
For a majority of my life, I was single on this day, which accomplishes two goals: making me feel like shit for being alone on both VD and my birthday, and making me feel like shit for attempting to claw my friends away from their respective significant others to spend the day with me, celebrating my aging. Nearly every ign'ant person I spoke to, upon finding out my birthday was on Venereal Disease, said "OH EM GEE, that's so cute! He'd better get you two gifts!!!!1111"
If someone's born on Christmas Day, do you say "I hope Santa brings you two presents!" No, because you will later find out the kid's a Buddhist. If someone's born on July 4th, do you say "I hope the country you live in celebrates its independence TWICE!" If someone's born on April Fools' Day, do you say "I hope people pull twice the number of unfunny, unoriginal jokes for you because it's YOUR DAYYYY" No, because ign'ance apparently stops at "You were born on VD = you came out of the womb with a macking partner."
Hallmark's decided it's runnin' this, let's go (I'M ON A BOAT! I'm on a boat, motha f***as, buy cliches from me), and Kay Jewelers is conceited enough to believe that every bit o' lovin' comes directly from the sparklies it sells. I wonder if they shot down "Every conception begins with Kay's" before settling on their current slogan.
They've also managed to make every girl in the world look like the lisping female every male stand-up comedian turns women into (can we stop this? Not joking here. You whack, you twisted, your Stereotype of a Girl's a ho. Stop making me lisp and sound nasally and maybe, just maybe, I won't make you eat your own microphone), by implying that even if yo' woman don't say she want a li'l bit of ice, she SO do, son. She want that sparkly shit all up in her earlobes, on her neck, it don't matter if she say she don't want it. You know she do 'cause all girls be wantin' that shit.
So, even when we say we don't want diamonds, or even want anything at all, you've decided we're lying, and we do? Anybody else see a problem with this? My lovely friend Kyrie puts it this way: "I don't need roses. Just a little consideration. And that doesn't secretly mean I want diamonds: when I want diamonds I will tell you I want diamonds... Just be nice to me all year and we're good."
It's gotten better-ish now than it was in middle and high school (probs because I was lonely/alone for most of that time, and even more awkward than I am currently, if you can believe it: all of the geekiness, none of the confidence), but during those times I pretty much wanted to walk around with a switchblade and hack the limbs off of any 4-foot teddy bear I saw being carried through the hallways. The first bunch of years there weren't super text-riffic, but I can just imagine them now:
Teen 1: ooo gurl u got 2 see tha teddy bear tha boi got me its sooo cute
Teen 2: awww u so lucky!!! did he get u nething else
Teen 1: yea he got me that braclet at claires that i showed u, remember its got hearts all ovah it
Teen 2: yeah i remember it cant beleive its 3 weeks since u guyz hooked up
Teen 1: omg i no i totally luv him and were goin 2 panera tonight 4 dinner
Teen 2: oo u slut i hate u jkjk u no i love u bitch <3
Teen 1: u bitch jkjkjk i luv u ho
I was the girl wearing black at first, and then in later years handing out candy to every one because f*** that if you don't get chocolate on VD because you're not dating someone. Chocolate is delicious and everyone should have some. Which is why I'm going to go to CVS in the next twelve hours and buy a giant, heart-shaped collection of deliciousness and eat it all myself because I CAN.
Dear Lord Jesus I hate this holiday.
There is very little limit to the things I hate this week. The list includes people who park across two spaces, that ten minutes in the morning when not one of my radio presets is actually playing music, those who speak when they have no clue about the topic, anyone who stands in doorways when I'm trying to walk, my brief, getting cold-called and being on call in one day, the completely inadequate amount of sleep I've received in the past three days, the fact that I'm currently blogging instead of writing my brief, aaaaand the fact that I just used "blog" as a verb. I told myself I wouldn't go there, and I did. Oh, I did.
Guess what, kiddies? My FAVE holiday is coming up, and I think you all know what it is!!!!111 VALENTINE'S DAYYYYYYAAAAYYY!
I don't know if I have any readers who don't know me personally/don't have access to my Facebook page, but my unfortunate day of birth is February 14th. Frankly, this is bullshit. I am not designed to be born on that day. However, because I am, I decided a long time ago that this gave me the Golden Ticket to get into the factory, drink the whole damn chocolate river, and hate on V-Day as much as humanly possible. I am also going to call the day in question VD for the rest of the post, and you will both enjoy it and appreciate it, mmmkay?
You may find it interesting to know that I am not single, and still hate this holiday. My poor boy is scrambling as we speak to not be a fail for both my birthday and TEH MOST ROMANTIK DAI EVAR and in case I wasn't clear enough to him over the past week: calm down, dude. You doin' jus' fine.
For a majority of my life, I was single on this day, which accomplishes two goals: making me feel like shit for being alone on both VD and my birthday, and making me feel like shit for attempting to claw my friends away from their respective significant others to spend the day with me, celebrating my aging. Nearly every ign'ant person I spoke to, upon finding out my birthday was on Venereal Disease, said "OH EM GEE, that's so cute! He'd better get you two gifts!!!!1111"
If someone's born on Christmas Day, do you say "I hope Santa brings you two presents!" No, because you will later find out the kid's a Buddhist. If someone's born on July 4th, do you say "I hope the country you live in celebrates its independence TWICE!" If someone's born on April Fools' Day, do you say "I hope people pull twice the number of unfunny, unoriginal jokes for you because it's YOUR DAYYYY" No, because ign'ance apparently stops at "You were born on VD = you came out of the womb with a macking partner."
Hallmark's decided it's runnin' this, let's go (I'M ON A BOAT! I'm on a boat, motha f***as, buy cliches from me), and Kay Jewelers is conceited enough to believe that every bit o' lovin' comes directly from the sparklies it sells. I wonder if they shot down "Every conception begins with Kay's" before settling on their current slogan.
They've also managed to make every girl in the world look like the lisping female every male stand-up comedian turns women into (can we stop this? Not joking here. You whack, you twisted, your Stereotype of a Girl's a ho. Stop making me lisp and sound nasally and maybe, just maybe, I won't make you eat your own microphone), by implying that even if yo' woman don't say she want a li'l bit of ice, she SO do, son. She want that sparkly shit all up in her earlobes, on her neck, it don't matter if she say she don't want it. You know she do 'cause all girls be wantin' that shit.
So, even when we say we don't want diamonds, or even want anything at all, you've decided we're lying, and we do? Anybody else see a problem with this? My lovely friend Kyrie puts it this way: "I don't need roses. Just a little consideration. And that doesn't secretly mean I want diamonds: when I want diamonds I will tell you I want diamonds... Just be nice to me all year and we're good."
It's gotten better-ish now than it was in middle and high school (probs because I was lonely/alone for most of that time, and even more awkward than I am currently, if you can believe it: all of the geekiness, none of the confidence), but during those times I pretty much wanted to walk around with a switchblade and hack the limbs off of any 4-foot teddy bear I saw being carried through the hallways. The first bunch of years there weren't super text-riffic, but I can just imagine them now:
Teen 1: ooo gurl u got 2 see tha teddy bear tha boi got me its sooo cute
Teen 2: awww u so lucky!!! did he get u nething else
Teen 1: yea he got me that braclet at claires that i showed u, remember its got hearts all ovah it
Teen 2: yeah i remember it cant beleive its 3 weeks since u guyz hooked up
Teen 1: omg i no i totally luv him and were goin 2 panera tonight 4 dinner
Teen 2: oo u slut i hate u jkjk u no i love u bitch <3
Teen 1: u bitch jkjkjk i luv u ho
I was the girl wearing black at first, and then in later years handing out candy to every one because f*** that if you don't get chocolate on VD because you're not dating someone. Chocolate is delicious and everyone should have some. Which is why I'm going to go to CVS in the next twelve hours and buy a giant, heart-shaped collection of deliciousness and eat it all myself because I CAN.
Dear Lord Jesus I hate this holiday.
Friday, February 4, 2011
I'll make you laugh again soon, I promise.
This isn't a normal entry because it's always difficult to make religious jokes when you're actually religious. It's been a rough week, I'm sad and angry, and I've been wanting to post this for a while.
You all probably know by now that I'm Catholic. Whether you've heard me singing dorky church songs in the shower, or watched me awkwardly walk out of the chapel at Nova after daily Mass, or watched me pray and cross myself before exams, or just had a not-quite-argument about religion, you know I send some messages up to God and believe that Jesus is my savior. And I'd just like to take a moment to clarify things for people if I can. I'm hoping this doesn't go too far into an overshare, but I'll try to stay on that line.
Also, apologies, this isn't funny. Amusing update soon.
I will never, ever, tell you you're going to Hell, or attempt to convert you. If you want to talk to me about religion, I will do my absolute best to be an accurate and worthy representative of the Church. I will not pray for you unless you say it's okay. I have no clue if you're going to Hell or not, and to say I know the answer to that question is playing God to a degree that's wrong: that's a decision He gets to make, and no one else.
Bit of applicable politics: I'm super pro-life (in that I think life begins at conception), but I can appreciate the difficulty associated with making the decision to abort or not. I'll never call you a "murderer": while I feel a life has ended, I realize you don't think it has, and so there's no malice behind your actions. My actions tend to focus less on the legality of abortion and more on efforts to make sure that no woman feels she is forced into aborting because she doesn't have a network to help her raise the child.
I'm not against contraception, as a blanket statement, and I realize some young people will have sex regardless of the education they receive. However, I also become frustrated when I hear people say that remaining a virgin until marriage is not a feasible option. It may not be for some people, but in the same way that saying "no sex or you will get pregnant and die" is generalizing too much, so is saying that people will and should have sex. I've chosen to wait because I've analyzed and agree with the Church's teaching on this, because of my pro-life position, and because this is what's right for me. I'm not waiting because I'm brainwashed, or because I'm not empowered enough. I would never call you a slut: please don't call me a prude.
I heart evolution. Science fans, fun fact: the Catholic Church is good with evolution, all the way up to the pope, so it's not us, I swear. Every Christian everywhere: understanding and accepting evolution does NOT make you love God any less. They are compatible, I promise, and I will talk to you about this as much as you want. Instead of fighting science, let's find how it all fits together. And just for the record, if your answer is "well, then a miracle occurred" for a scientific question, PLEASE do not treat this as science. First of all, and I'm stealing a Terry Pratchett quote from my profile, "Just because you can explain it doesn't mean it's not still a miracle." Second, if you're insisting on doing rigorous scientific analysis for your theories, that's not gonna cut it. Please stop acting like these are and must be opposing ideals. Scientists: you don't have to kill God to continue your research. Christians: you don't have to make science lose in order for God to win.
I have no objections, moral or otherwise, to homosexuality. I truly hope everyone can marry whoever they want in the near future.
I pray. A lot. At church, outside church, whatever. And in the past few years I've adjusted my prayers from the child-like "please let so-and-so like me" and "please help me get an A on this test" to "please give me the strength to forgive her" and "please help me focus on what's important." The "correct" way of praying is to not ask for a lesser burden, but to ask for the ability to handle it. I pray for other people, but only with their permission, and I really try to not do the "pray in public so everyone knows she's praying" thing, but it happens. I do fast for Lent (legit fasting Ash Wednesday and Good Friday, no meat for Fridays, and giving something up the other 40 days), and I try not to whine too much, but I'm not so good at it. There's a Gospel reading in which we are told not to look like we are suffering when we fast: the point isn't to get props from other people. If only I was better at following this.
And here I get a little angry.
I don't know when or where or how it became acceptable to mock everything associated with Christianity, and I always have a difficult time finding the line between calmly defending myself and becoming un-Christian-ly aggressive, but it happens a LOT in my hearing range. I don't mind you asking me questions about my faith: please do. But when I hear you make blanket statements about all priests being pedophiles, or the Church itself being crazy, or saying you don't get how I can be so smart and so religious at the same time, I freak out a little bit.
I wish I didn't have to walk people through this, but not all priests are pedophiles. Yes, the church did a shitty job dealing with this, but in the same way "all Muslims are terrorists" is horribly offensive and wrong, so is "all Catholic priests touch little boys." This is NOT acceptable. You're gonna make a joke about it? Really? About 600 people have done it before, and better than you, and it's still not funny.
Yes, the Catholic church has done things wrong. A lot of things wrong. But to me, abandoning the structure does nothing to make things better. Fix it from the inside. You don't see the good work it does making headlines, because that's not something anyone wants to read. Aside from all the poverty relief the church does... there are Catholic schools of higher education. I attend one. And yet I often overhear what a general disaster the church and everything associated with it are. I don't get it.
Lastly: I'm going to give you a few pointers on what not to ask me.
"So you're like... really Catholic, huh?"
How do I answer that? Loaded question, champ.
"Do you hate gay people/hate Jews/think abortion activists are Satan?"
No, Ignorant Person, I am not Mel Gibson. Have you met me? Am I insane? Do I hate a broad group of people (other than people who are rude to retail and food service workers)? There you go.
If you haven't met me/don't really know me, why are you asking these things to begin with?
"How can you POSSIBLY believe there's a God? IT'S JUST LOGICSHKAJFKGPW...(continued angry ridiculousness)"
Sorry to stop you before you tart, but you're not going to change my mind. If you're deluded enough to think you're the first person to come to me with "there is no God" arguments, you can add "wrong" to your descriptions. (Don't quote Richard Dawkins at me or I will SEETHE.) This does not mean you can't ask "why do you believe in God?" I'm more than happy to answer that question when it's asked out of genuine curiosity. It's the manner of questioning that matters here. If you're jumping into the argument assuming I'm a dumbass because of what I believe, why would I want to talk to you? If you consider yourself an atheist, I disagree with you, but I certainly don't think you're an idiot. And I would hope you'd offer me and my beliefs the same amount of respect.
The only way I can think to summarize is this: listen. Be respectful. And please think before you speak.
You all probably know by now that I'm Catholic. Whether you've heard me singing dorky church songs in the shower, or watched me awkwardly walk out of the chapel at Nova after daily Mass, or watched me pray and cross myself before exams, or just had a not-quite-argument about religion, you know I send some messages up to God and believe that Jesus is my savior. And I'd just like to take a moment to clarify things for people if I can. I'm hoping this doesn't go too far into an overshare, but I'll try to stay on that line.
Also, apologies, this isn't funny. Amusing update soon.
I will never, ever, tell you you're going to Hell, or attempt to convert you. If you want to talk to me about religion, I will do my absolute best to be an accurate and worthy representative of the Church. I will not pray for you unless you say it's okay. I have no clue if you're going to Hell or not, and to say I know the answer to that question is playing God to a degree that's wrong: that's a decision He gets to make, and no one else.
Bit of applicable politics: I'm super pro-life (in that I think life begins at conception), but I can appreciate the difficulty associated with making the decision to abort or not. I'll never call you a "murderer": while I feel a life has ended, I realize you don't think it has, and so there's no malice behind your actions. My actions tend to focus less on the legality of abortion and more on efforts to make sure that no woman feels she is forced into aborting because she doesn't have a network to help her raise the child.
I'm not against contraception, as a blanket statement, and I realize some young people will have sex regardless of the education they receive. However, I also become frustrated when I hear people say that remaining a virgin until marriage is not a feasible option. It may not be for some people, but in the same way that saying "no sex or you will get pregnant and die" is generalizing too much, so is saying that people will and should have sex. I've chosen to wait because I've analyzed and agree with the Church's teaching on this, because of my pro-life position, and because this is what's right for me. I'm not waiting because I'm brainwashed, or because I'm not empowered enough. I would never call you a slut: please don't call me a prude.
I heart evolution. Science fans, fun fact: the Catholic Church is good with evolution, all the way up to the pope, so it's not us, I swear. Every Christian everywhere: understanding and accepting evolution does NOT make you love God any less. They are compatible, I promise, and I will talk to you about this as much as you want. Instead of fighting science, let's find how it all fits together. And just for the record, if your answer is "well, then a miracle occurred" for a scientific question, PLEASE do not treat this as science. First of all, and I'm stealing a Terry Pratchett quote from my profile, "Just because you can explain it doesn't mean it's not still a miracle." Second, if you're insisting on doing rigorous scientific analysis for your theories, that's not gonna cut it. Please stop acting like these are and must be opposing ideals. Scientists: you don't have to kill God to continue your research. Christians: you don't have to make science lose in order for God to win.
I have no objections, moral or otherwise, to homosexuality. I truly hope everyone can marry whoever they want in the near future.
I pray. A lot. At church, outside church, whatever. And in the past few years I've adjusted my prayers from the child-like "please let so-and-so like me" and "please help me get an A on this test" to "please give me the strength to forgive her" and "please help me focus on what's important." The "correct" way of praying is to not ask for a lesser burden, but to ask for the ability to handle it. I pray for other people, but only with their permission, and I really try to not do the "pray in public so everyone knows she's praying" thing, but it happens. I do fast for Lent (legit fasting Ash Wednesday and Good Friday, no meat for Fridays, and giving something up the other 40 days), and I try not to whine too much, but I'm not so good at it. There's a Gospel reading in which we are told not to look like we are suffering when we fast: the point isn't to get props from other people. If only I was better at following this.
And here I get a little angry.
I don't know when or where or how it became acceptable to mock everything associated with Christianity, and I always have a difficult time finding the line between calmly defending myself and becoming un-Christian-ly aggressive, but it happens a LOT in my hearing range. I don't mind you asking me questions about my faith: please do. But when I hear you make blanket statements about all priests being pedophiles, or the Church itself being crazy, or saying you don't get how I can be so smart and so religious at the same time, I freak out a little bit.
I wish I didn't have to walk people through this, but not all priests are pedophiles. Yes, the church did a shitty job dealing with this, but in the same way "all Muslims are terrorists" is horribly offensive and wrong, so is "all Catholic priests touch little boys." This is NOT acceptable. You're gonna make a joke about it? Really? About 600 people have done it before, and better than you, and it's still not funny.
Yes, the Catholic church has done things wrong. A lot of things wrong. But to me, abandoning the structure does nothing to make things better. Fix it from the inside. You don't see the good work it does making headlines, because that's not something anyone wants to read. Aside from all the poverty relief the church does... there are Catholic schools of higher education. I attend one. And yet I often overhear what a general disaster the church and everything associated with it are. I don't get it.
Lastly: I'm going to give you a few pointers on what not to ask me.
"So you're like... really Catholic, huh?"
How do I answer that? Loaded question, champ.
"Do you hate gay people/hate Jews/think abortion activists are Satan?"
No, Ignorant Person, I am not Mel Gibson. Have you met me? Am I insane? Do I hate a broad group of people (other than people who are rude to retail and food service workers)? There you go.
If you haven't met me/don't really know me, why are you asking these things to begin with?
"How can you POSSIBLY believe there's a God? IT'S JUST LOGICSHKAJFKGPW...(continued angry ridiculousness)"
Sorry to stop you before you tart, but you're not going to change my mind. If you're deluded enough to think you're the first person to come to me with "there is no God" arguments, you can add "wrong" to your descriptions. (Don't quote Richard Dawkins at me or I will SEETHE.) This does not mean you can't ask "why do you believe in God?" I'm more than happy to answer that question when it's asked out of genuine curiosity. It's the manner of questioning that matters here. If you're jumping into the argument assuming I'm a dumbass because of what I believe, why would I want to talk to you? If you consider yourself an atheist, I disagree with you, but I certainly don't think you're an idiot. And I would hope you'd offer me and my beliefs the same amount of respect.
The only way I can think to summarize is this: listen. Be respectful. And please think before you speak.
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