On this tenth anniversary of its release, let me say this: I unapologetically love "Love Actually." I watch it every year around Christmas, and usually hit some kind of weird patch in April or July where I must watch it and that happens. I'm not proud of myself. Joking aside, this movie is fabulous. There's a whole host of relationships that are discussed, it happens in the wonderful month leading up to Christmas, and everyone in this movie is attractive and if you disagree with me you're wrong. Plus that little girl Joanna singing "All I Want for Christmas Is You" is literally everything I've ever wanted.
Much of the criticism you'll see of this movie has to do with its more ridiculous elements, and there are certainly things that happen in this film that are more than a bit unbelievable. No, the Prime Minister doesn't look like that. No, Colin Firth is not going to learn Portuguese and propose to you. No, a kid can't just run through an airport. But you know what? That stuff is GREAT. It makes you feel warm inside!
Let Hugh Grant be the prime minister and dance to "Jump." Let Colin Firth somehow make Portuguese sound kind of attractive. Let a band pop up at the end of the wedding ceremony to play "All You Need Is Love." Let tiny Jojen Reed (sorry kid, I don't actually know your name) run through the airport to his gorgeous girl without somehow getting tased and arrested. I am 100% behind all of this ridiculousness.
What I'm not behind are the elements that are actually completely realistic, but hugely problematic. Let's break those down.
1. This movie fat-shames
This took me a long time to realize (i.e. I only figured it out like a year ago, and I'm mad at myself for taking that long), but there are two plot points that fat-shame characters in this film. Emma Thompson also at one point describes herself as "feeling fat" and "only fitting into clothes once worn by Pavarotti," which is unfortunate, and could be one of the reasons Alan Rickman later cheats on her, but that moment is left out of this analysis, because she is the only person who comments on her weight.
The first is the most blatant, and involves the Portuguese maid Aurelia's sister. Aurelia hints at her sister's size earlier in the film, refusing food and saying in subtitles "if you saw my sister you'd know why." THANKS CHICA. However, this is nothing compared to what happens when Colin Firth shows up (admittedly adorably) to propose to Aurelia. When he asks Aurelia's father for her hand, her sister is there instead, and her entire appearance is meant as a joke, as she is significantly larger than Aurelia is. Their father even goes as far as to say she should marry Colin Firth even though she's never met him (because OBVIOUSLY she won't get a man otherwise!), and he rudely dismisses her later with "shut up, Miss Dunkin' Donut 2003." The audience is meant to laugh here as well, and that is just all kinds of bullshit. This scene might not be put into the film were it made now, ten years later, because I like to think that we've come a bit farther in our "not being giant assholes to people who look different from us," but who knows, really. Regardless, it's not okay, and Aurelia's sister has just as much a right to be respected and Firth'ed as Aurelia does.
The second is more subtle but no less awful. Natalie, the assistant to Hugh Grant's character of the Prime Minister, tells him that her boyfriend dumped her because "he said I was getting fat." (It doesn't matter, but this girl is of average size and I want her entire work wardrobe from the film like yesterday because she can WORK that pencil skirt. Unf.) Later, after several totally cute scenes of the two of them being cute, Hugh Grant mentions Natalie to his PR woman, and she responds "the chubby girl?" Grant is awkward, and instead of being like "I'm the Prime Minister can u not with that shit" is all "oooooh wouldwecallherchubby?" To which the woman responds "I think there's a sizable ass there, yes, sir. HUGE thighs." I hate everything. Natalie's fat-shaming bothers me more, actually, because it isn't even a case of woman-on-woman competition for Grant's affections, it's just someone being subtly terrible and cruel in their descriptions. Again, this is played for laughs. Hugh Grant, you drove your country into a potential war with Bush-era 'Murica by doing the most British speech ever on live TV and calling Billy Bob Thornton a bully and you can't tell your staff to not fat-shame?
2. The cheating is all the women's fault
This has three specific instances that I can think of.
The first plot point involves Alan Rickman and his secretary. He's clearly been married to Emma Thompson for a long time, and they have kids together, but his secretary makes it clear that she wants him. This is obviously not okay, but the extent to which this movie makes her into a homewrecker is super over-the-top. She dresses as a devil for their office's holiday party complete with horns (really? really?). Her flirting is over -the-top, with her spreading her legs at her desk and saying that the venue she found for the party is "full of dark corners for doing dark deeds." Alan Rickman, on the other hand, is portrayed as somehow like, tripping and falling into her bed, or something? He just gets awkward when she flirts with him (instead of stating his discomfort, chastising her as is his right as her boss, or filing a complaint with HR), and keeps all of his communication innocent on the surface (asking her if she wants staplers or stationary for Christmas). We're even shown that he gets Emma Thompson a Joni Mitchell CD because "see look, he still loves her, he's still a good husband" and we're treated to a view of Rickman's secretary dressed all in red putting on a necklace he got for her. When called on it, he's just like "I was a fool," and looks sad, so we should feel bad?
Nope. Nope nope nope. It's not okay that the secretary is going after someone who is attached, but what Alan Rickman does is like a jillion times worse. Stop trying to make Devil Secretary Homewrecker happen. It's not going to happen. Both people deserve scorn here, but Rickman's character deserves more.
The second plot point is Colin Firth's character Jamie's relationship at the beginning of the film. His girlfriend cheats on him with his brother, and he comes back to check on her while she's sick and he went to a wedding. He discovers them, and her lines of dialogue are all sexually charged, while his brother's are more like "derp derp heh heh sorry bro." This event is significantly less blatant than the first, and it is in fact the woman in the relationship who cheats this time, but still, we don't ever address that Jamie's brother cheated with his girlfriend and how that's a huge betrayal. It's again portrayed as a woman being conniving and inherently ~*evil*~, while Jamie's brother just derped his way into his brother's girlfriend. It reads very much like "lol, men are sooo dumb, right ladies?!" Gross. They're both terrible, because they're both willingly ruining a relationship with Jamie.
The third plot point is minor, but just as unacceptable. At one point in the film, Billy Bob Thorton, whose character is literally every terrible American stereotype, has commented on Natalie's appearance and hit on her (despite his being married). Hugh Grant later leaves the room with Thornton and Natalie, and when he returns, it's implied that Thornton has attempted to kiss her. Grant later asks for Natalie to be transferred from her position, and while part of it is his attraction to her, he only does this after what is essentially her attempted assault, implying it's somehow her fault. Natalie's Christmas card to him later apologizes "for the thing that happened," and she apologizes in person as well.
Um, what??? None of this is her fault. Grant treats her like she had cheated on him, which is ridiculous, since you have to both state your intentions and then get into a relationship before you can get cheated on. You didn't call "dibs," Grant. She's a person, not a dinner roll. Additionally, Thorton is a slimeball who clearly took advantage of "I'm the President I do what I want" to get closer to Natalie, and this is somehow her fault. She was probably scared that she'd start a nuclear war if she hit him. Stop being a punk, Hugh Grant.
3. There's one instance of truly unhealthy relationships and it's treated as romantic
Guys, I have to say it: that sign thing with "to me, you are perfect" is actually the worst.
Let's back up. Peter and Juliet, played by Chiwetel Ejiofor and Keira Knightley, have just gotten married, and Mark, Peter's best friend, has apparently been distant and borderline rude to Juliet forever, in order to hide the fact that he's in love with her. Juliet has recently discovered this fact, because she requests to see his video of their wedding, which is exclusively shots of her, without Peter. She responds that Mark "never talks to [her]," and he says "it's a self-preservation thing, you see." This alone rubs me the wrong way: he was willing to be a complete douchebag to Juliet apparently forever to protect himself. Yes, unrequited love is hard, but he's never made his intentions clear! This girl has clearly gone crazy trying to get Mark to like her, with no response. Not cool, bro.
So, now that she knows, he shows up and basically proclaims his love to her in the form of cards, hiding all this information from his best friend. She is complicit in this deception, telling her husband that Mark is carol singers. After he explains his undying love and leaves, she runs down the street, stops him, and kisses him. He walks away saying, "Enough. Enough now."
Y'all, I'm sorry, but this is bullshit. This is how affairs get started. All aspects of this are incredibly selfish, and poor Peter is sitting up in his apartment with no idea that his wife and his best friend just kissed. It's not adorable, it's cheating, and seeing as Mark goes with Peter and Juliet to the airport in the "one month from now" scene, it's clearly not improved. One of the cards Mark holds up states "without hope or agenda," and I totally don't buy that. Of course he has an agenda. I feel for him, really, I do, but he is being a terrible friend, and Juliet is being a terrible wife. Yes, everyone wishes someone would show up to their door at Christmas and tell them they're wonderful, but you should not hope it's your husband's best friend. Ugh.
If you can get past all of these things (meaning registering that they're terrible and moving on), this is still a sweet, lovely, feel-good movie. I've been able to do that, and I still love this movie; I may go watch it right now. Let's go get the shit kicked out of us by love.
Friday, November 22, 2013
Monday, November 11, 2013
The enemy's gate is down - review of Ender's Game
It unfortunately took me a full week after it was released to see Ender's Game. I originally debated bringing a notebook (not joking) so I could write down everything, but I forgot, so if I mess up a line or two, I apologize. And for the record, yes, I know Orson Scott Card is terrible, no I don't excuse his behavior, yes I realize I'm supporting him by attending his movie, yes I am conflicted about it. I chose to go see it to support the others who worked on the film, to be able to accurately criticize the film, and because the film itself shows none of the prejudices Card holds. I agree, it's still not okay, but I went.
The breakdown for me was things they did like the book and correctly, things they changed but I'm okay with, and things they changed that I'm NOT okay with. Spoilers for the movie, the book, and minor ones for the whole series, plus mentions of Ender's Shadow. I mean...don't read this if you haven't seen the movie or read the books? Cool. Let's do this.
Things they did like the book/correctly
1. The Battle Room
Oh my goodness, it looked SO GOOD. I don't know how exactly they filmed it, but the zero gravity was incredibly realistic. It wasn't exactly what I had pictured while reading the books, but it was visually stunning. I'd also say the set development, from Battle School to the Formics' ships to the screens on which the Command School battles took place, all looked amazing, and those who created them should be commended.
2. The final battle
Not exactly how I pictured it (I don't think they needed the dramatic music behind Ender giving orders), but also really, really well done. The trust the other kids have in Ender even though he's about to command them to do the unthinkable is pictured very well. When Graff reveals that it was all real, Ender's dialogue is not exactly as it was in the book, but the whole spirit of the thing is absolutely perfect: your heart hurts for the kids, and Ender's line about "it's HOW we win that's important" is A+.
3. Mazer Rackham
Ben Kingsley is, as always, perfection. Relatively minor role but he kills it. And although it's sad to say that I need to give credit for NOT whitewashing a character, it is due here: I'm very happy they allowed Rackham to keep the Maori tattoos.
Things they changed but I'm okay with it
Sidenote: if you're mad that they made Anderson a black woman, you're silly/deal with it.
1. The ages of the kids
Ender is six when he arrives at Battle School. Asa Butterfield, the actor who played Ender, was absolutely fantastic and should win all the awards, but he is just so old. Bean looks old. Petra looks old. Bernard, especially, looks old. However, I know that to cast the film accurately you'd have to find child geniuses who are also actors. Therefore, I understand changes had to be made, and Asa was 100% the right choice. My boyfriend has not read the books, and when he heard that the kids are older in the movie than they are in the book, he responded with "that doesn't make it any better." He's exactly right: the fact that the children are 12-13 as opposed to 8 doesn't improve the fact that they are soldiers being trained to kill.
2. Ender's fight with Bonzo
For those who haven't read the book, the fight is significantly more awful: Ender strikes upward on Bonzo's face at nose level, and it is later explained that he fractured Bonzo's skull and drove it into his brain. He's absolutely killed, and Graff attempts to hide this fact from Ender, but he obviously figures it out. The movie made it look like more of an accident that Ender really hurts this kid, and it's not clear that he's killed. However, this is a PG-13 movie, and I understand that watching a child destroy the face of another child would be a tough sell. The way it was done in the film was still dramatic enough, and Ender still feels the pain from his actions, so I'm fine with this.
3. The explanations the adults hand to Ender
I'm still not sure if this one belongs in this category or the third one. Let me explain a bit more. Some of the things Ender figures out on his own (that Graff is making him a target during the launch, that his Dragon army is made up of misfits) are simply handed to him by Graff rather than Ender figuring them out on his own. I'm not thrilled with the way that happens, because a huge part of Ender's skill is his ability to understand just how the adults are trying to screw with him, but since they were using voiceovers so sparingly and you can't be inside his head like in the novel, I get that they had to feed this info to the audience somehow. Maybe it could have been done better, but it didn't wreck anything so it can stay.
Things they changed and I'm not okay with it
1. Leaving out Valentine and Peter's storyline
This one is my big annoyance. The way that two teenagers essentially take over the political system of Earth through philosophy and the internet was one of the coolest parts of the book, and it's totally ignored. I understand that they had a limited time in which to tell a story, but Valentine was turned into this sad, sobbing Ender-helper instead of the brilliant, sympathetic, and complicated character she is. Frankly, I hated her scene with Ender on the lake, when in the book, it was my favorite. Peter is there as well just to hit Ender once and then we basically don't hear from him. It's also implied at the end of the film that Ender is going to travel the universe with the hive queen, but without Valentine.
The part that was most difficult for me with this is seeing Valentine and Peter used in the mind game and barely seeing them otherwise. Those scenes were very intense for me in the books but barely had an impact in the film, because we know very little about Ender's siblings. (This is similar to the emotion, or lack thereof, that I feel for Prim in The Hunger Games.) I get that the moviemakers decided this was Ender's story, but I am really disappointed to see that they decided Peter and especially Valentine were expendable. They're straight up not.
2. Making Bean kind of annoying
No mention of any of the Ender's Shadow series whatsoever. Bean makes a "your mom" joke. Ender and Bean are Launchies at the same time, which throws off the whole power dynamic. Bean offers up the fact that he grew up on the streets in the first ten seconds of meeting Ender. This one might just be me, but I didn't "buy" Bean. He felt like a whole different character. The actor playing him did just fine with the awful lines they gave him, but I kind of wanted to drop kick him by the end of the movie.
3. The training leading up to the final battle
Final battle was done exceptionally well, but I'm not thrilled with the way they led the audience in. First, Ender fails a mission, which for me was like "um you're joking right." I know it's hard to show "we won but barely" on-screen, but Ender doesn't fail missions; that's kind of the point. Also, at the last battle, all of the kids including Ender looked remarkably...bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, as it were. They're supposed to be exhausted. Petra's supposed to crash, along with several others on his team. A three minute montage of their many battles and lack of sleep would have done the trick.
Any other thoughts? Anyone think it was terrible? Amazing? I'd love to hear about it!
The breakdown for me was things they did like the book and correctly, things they changed but I'm okay with, and things they changed that I'm NOT okay with. Spoilers for the movie, the book, and minor ones for the whole series, plus mentions of Ender's Shadow. I mean...don't read this if you haven't seen the movie or read the books? Cool. Let's do this.
Things they did like the book/correctly
1. The Battle Room
Oh my goodness, it looked SO GOOD. I don't know how exactly they filmed it, but the zero gravity was incredibly realistic. It wasn't exactly what I had pictured while reading the books, but it was visually stunning. I'd also say the set development, from Battle School to the Formics' ships to the screens on which the Command School battles took place, all looked amazing, and those who created them should be commended.
2. The final battle
Not exactly how I pictured it (I don't think they needed the dramatic music behind Ender giving orders), but also really, really well done. The trust the other kids have in Ender even though he's about to command them to do the unthinkable is pictured very well. When Graff reveals that it was all real, Ender's dialogue is not exactly as it was in the book, but the whole spirit of the thing is absolutely perfect: your heart hurts for the kids, and Ender's line about "it's HOW we win that's important" is A+.
3. Mazer Rackham
Ben Kingsley is, as always, perfection. Relatively minor role but he kills it. And although it's sad to say that I need to give credit for NOT whitewashing a character, it is due here: I'm very happy they allowed Rackham to keep the Maori tattoos.
Things they changed but I'm okay with it
Sidenote: if you're mad that they made Anderson a black woman, you're silly/deal with it.
1. The ages of the kids
Ender is six when he arrives at Battle School. Asa Butterfield, the actor who played Ender, was absolutely fantastic and should win all the awards, but he is just so old. Bean looks old. Petra looks old. Bernard, especially, looks old. However, I know that to cast the film accurately you'd have to find child geniuses who are also actors. Therefore, I understand changes had to be made, and Asa was 100% the right choice. My boyfriend has not read the books, and when he heard that the kids are older in the movie than they are in the book, he responded with "that doesn't make it any better." He's exactly right: the fact that the children are 12-13 as opposed to 8 doesn't improve the fact that they are soldiers being trained to kill.
2. Ender's fight with Bonzo
For those who haven't read the book, the fight is significantly more awful: Ender strikes upward on Bonzo's face at nose level, and it is later explained that he fractured Bonzo's skull and drove it into his brain. He's absolutely killed, and Graff attempts to hide this fact from Ender, but he obviously figures it out. The movie made it look like more of an accident that Ender really hurts this kid, and it's not clear that he's killed. However, this is a PG-13 movie, and I understand that watching a child destroy the face of another child would be a tough sell. The way it was done in the film was still dramatic enough, and Ender still feels the pain from his actions, so I'm fine with this.
3. The explanations the adults hand to Ender
I'm still not sure if this one belongs in this category or the third one. Let me explain a bit more. Some of the things Ender figures out on his own (that Graff is making him a target during the launch, that his Dragon army is made up of misfits) are simply handed to him by Graff rather than Ender figuring them out on his own. I'm not thrilled with the way that happens, because a huge part of Ender's skill is his ability to understand just how the adults are trying to screw with him, but since they were using voiceovers so sparingly and you can't be inside his head like in the novel, I get that they had to feed this info to the audience somehow. Maybe it could have been done better, but it didn't wreck anything so it can stay.
Things they changed and I'm not okay with it
1. Leaving out Valentine and Peter's storyline
This one is my big annoyance. The way that two teenagers essentially take over the political system of Earth through philosophy and the internet was one of the coolest parts of the book, and it's totally ignored. I understand that they had a limited time in which to tell a story, but Valentine was turned into this sad, sobbing Ender-helper instead of the brilliant, sympathetic, and complicated character she is. Frankly, I hated her scene with Ender on the lake, when in the book, it was my favorite. Peter is there as well just to hit Ender once and then we basically don't hear from him. It's also implied at the end of the film that Ender is going to travel the universe with the hive queen, but without Valentine.
The part that was most difficult for me with this is seeing Valentine and Peter used in the mind game and barely seeing them otherwise. Those scenes were very intense for me in the books but barely had an impact in the film, because we know very little about Ender's siblings. (This is similar to the emotion, or lack thereof, that I feel for Prim in The Hunger Games.) I get that the moviemakers decided this was Ender's story, but I am really disappointed to see that they decided Peter and especially Valentine were expendable. They're straight up not.
2. Making Bean kind of annoying
No mention of any of the Ender's Shadow series whatsoever. Bean makes a "your mom" joke. Ender and Bean are Launchies at the same time, which throws off the whole power dynamic. Bean offers up the fact that he grew up on the streets in the first ten seconds of meeting Ender. This one might just be me, but I didn't "buy" Bean. He felt like a whole different character. The actor playing him did just fine with the awful lines they gave him, but I kind of wanted to drop kick him by the end of the movie.
3. The training leading up to the final battle
Final battle was done exceptionally well, but I'm not thrilled with the way they led the audience in. First, Ender fails a mission, which for me was like "um you're joking right." I know it's hard to show "we won but barely" on-screen, but Ender doesn't fail missions; that's kind of the point. Also, at the last battle, all of the kids including Ender looked remarkably...bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, as it were. They're supposed to be exhausted. Petra's supposed to crash, along with several others on his team. A three minute montage of their many battles and lack of sleep would have done the trick.
Any other thoughts? Anyone think it was terrible? Amazing? I'd love to hear about it!
Thursday, October 31, 2013
While you're waiting for The Winds of Winter
Alliteration! Fun times! I'm distracting you with exclamation points to ignore the sadness that creeps up when you think too hard about the fact that George R R Martin may not be done with book 6 until 2017! We laugh to keep from crying!
Okay, but seriously, there are other books out there, and while you're not-so-patiently waiting for the next book, here are some in-genre suggestions for you.
The Mistborn trilogy by Brandon Sanderson
-Read if: you like really cool original magic systems, and you like to fear for your characters
-Don't read if: you absolutely must have sex scenes in your fantasy novels; you don't do well with dystopias
I really can't recommend these books highly enough. Brandon Sanderson may be most well-known for finishing The Wheel of Time after Robert Jordan's death (confession time: I've only read the first two of that series and that was a while ago, I promise to go back and read them plz don't kill me), but truly should be more famous for his own original works. He has a standalone novel called Elantris, and has started his own epic series with The Way of Kings, and a bunch more for younger readers, but this trilogy is about as good as it comes. In this world, a long way back, there was a hero and a great evil...and the hero lost, leaving a ruined world. The world has been split into nobles and commoners, and the main character of the first novel is a 16 year old commoner girl named Vin. The magic, called Allomancy, is metal-based, and characters "burn" different metals to enhance their own abilities (you swallow and "burn" pewter to enhance your physical strength, for example.) Sanderson's world-building is so, so good at the magical level, and once you reach the end of the series, you realize just how well he had to plot out the three books.
The relationships, both friendship and romantic, are strong enough to make you cry (I did!), but if you absolutely must have some kind of serious sexual tension; sorry, it's just not here. The books are plenty R-rated when it comes to sex (castration, commoners used as sex slaves for nobles, etc.), but no one ever has it. Also the world can get crazy depressing at times (the commoners are basically slaves! wars! sacrifices! parents being the worst! main characters can just die!), which fits because it's a dystopia, but if you're not sold on a world where you literally have to every so often shake the ash off of things, and plants are just a dull brown, and your favorite characters can just freaking die, maybe don't pick these up. But do it anyway because they're great and I said so.
The Kingkiller Chronicle books by Patrick Rothfuss (trilogy, 2 of 3 are published)
-Read if: you like amazing first-person narration and a flawed hero; you like music; you like school stories
-Don't read if: you're impatient (author is on Martin's level at speed), you need a female narrator
Read these books now. Just do it. Your life will be enhanced. They are the story of Kvothe, a man who is known as a hero in his world, but he's the one telling the story. A well-known writer finds him hiding away running an inn, and Kvothe decides to tell his story and clear up all the inaccuracies to the legend. He's brilliant and flawed, and you totally buy him as a Famous Hero and also as a stupid teenage boy (especially in his interactions with women). He's at a university for much of the books, learning languages and science and magic, and the magic is totally believable, mostly because it has so many limits and you need to work at it. They have final exams. It's great. Additionally, Kvothe is a trouper and plays the lute, and Rothfuss' descriptions of what music can do are just made of truth and might make you cry. Rothfuss is simply an amazing writer and storyteller, and...just pick up the first book, The Name of the Wind. Just do it.
There's definitely quite a bit of downtime in between books, so if you don't do well starting in on unfinished series, this one may kill you. I've been dying for several years now; I named one of my online accounts "Kvothe" in a fit of sadness and couldn't remember that I had done so when I was trying to log back in. Additionally, there is a decent number of women in these books (varied, real women), but it is for sure about the men. It can also be frustrating when it seems like literally every woman in these books wants a piece of Kvothe, even when he's a 15-year-old ginger punk. I am still trying to figure out if the author is doing this on purpose (in a "teenage boys are sometimes dumb and don't know how to Woman" way), and it can get very eye-roll-inducing, but the ladies are still really cool. Just...please read. The writing is literally the best I've seen in this genre, and I need more people to talk to about these books.
Literally everything in the Tortall universe by Tamora Pierce (three quartets, one duology, one diary-form trilogy)
-Read if: you are or ever were a teenage girl; you love animals
-Don't read if: you absolutely can't stand a female narrator (AKA you're a chump), you hate shorter books
Duuuuude. Read her stuff. I don't care that it's technically young adult fiction, just do it. This lady is the coolest and has been writing forever, and her world-building is crazy good. Each quartet has a different main character/narrator, and all of them are awesome in different ways. (Kel's my favorite, if you were wondering.) Pierce is also a huge animal lover, and it comes across in her books. All her heroines have super awesome animals (dogs, cats, sparrows, a baby dragon!) that are part pet, part friend, and part kickass warrior.
Her books are on the shorter side: no thousand-page epics here, as they're written for teens. And I really wish there were more guys reading these books: Pierce suffers from the whole "books about boys are for boys and girls, but books about girls are ONLY for girls" thing. But seriously, if you're going to make the argument that you "can't relate" to a young woman's story about becoming a knight simply because she is a girl, I will hunt you down and force-feed you these books. There's no excuse, bros. Do it now.
The Sword of Truth books by Terry Goodkind (finished series of 11 books with a couple more written after with the same characters)
-Read if: you like high fantasy epic tropes with some serious bad guys
-Don't read if: you can't handle a healthy dose of Objectivism with your high fantasy; you want to actually fear for the main character
All the tropes are here: common hero told he's special, wizard advisor, cool sword, learns things along the journey. Richard Cypher is our hero here, and he's fighting against a world that is falling apart due to the actions of a ton of really, really bad dudes. He's collects helpers along the way, who are actually all pretty interesting and diverse characters, including lots of women (and a dragon, of course). The magic and history of the world is pretty cool, and for the bloodthirsty among you, there's plenty of battles to keep you busy. And possibly grossed out. Goodkind does not skimp on the blood and pain, and the baddies are real bad. Other than the hero and the baddies, the other characters serve as pretty decent companions and foils to our hero: some bad guys are redeemed, and good guys are allowed to disagree with our hero.
That being said: these are for fun. Don't think too hard. The author is a big-time libertarian/Objectivist, but 9 times out of 10 the references don't show up too obviously and you won't notice it. The 10th time, it's so heavy-handed that it's funny. However, if it's gonna bug you, maybe don't pick up this series (or skip Faith of the Fallen, which is the most blatant by far). And if you're neck-deep in GRRM-style death where NO ONE IS SAFE, this series may bug you, because your faves are special and safe because they're the faves. You can have a drinking game for every time someone said "you're a special person, Richard Cypher" and its variations. If 11 seems too daunting, read the first four and the last three, and Pillars of Creation: the first four are solid, plot-wise, the last three are one story set at breakneck, fascinating pace, and Pillars gives you a new main character (Richard's barely in this one).
The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms or probably anything else by N.K. Jemesin (trilogy, others)
-Read if: you like reading books both about and by women of color; fallen gods are fascinating
-Don't read if: you need me to tell you how they end because I haven't read the third one yet (I'm sorry), you thrive on descriptive detail and need a world to be mapped out completely
This first book is so, so good I can't even...I just...yeah. Please read it. The world that's created has three gods in it, but they had a war many many years ago, and one was victorious, one died...and one is imprisoned by the ruling family and used as sort of a pet. Conflict ready, set, go! The books have different narrators (I almost don't want to tell you that they're all women but they are), but they all deal with the concept of gods who are no longer as powerful as they are. The second book's main character, Oree, is also blind, and while I can't speak to how well the author described what it is like to be blind, the fact that she made a female POC with a disability her main character while not letting those things BE the plot speaks to just how cool this author is. Her prose is outstanding; I don't know how she does it, but every paragraph feels like good poetry.
I've only just finished book two of the three, and apparently the plotting is not as great as in the first two, which makes me sad, but even if you're not going to finish the series, please read book one. Additionally, while the author does build a substantial history for her characters' current status, you're left feeling that there's so much more to explore in this world (it is called the Hundred Thousand Kingdoms, after all). You'll have a vague fuzzy feeling in your head while reading because the author will sometimes leave sensory descriptions out in favor of describing feelings. This does not detract from the story and is simply a stylistic choice, but if you really like to hear about all the details (or you're on a Martin hook and need names for literally. every. person. ever.) it may bother you. Just support this lady. We need another Octavia Butler; we need like a million of them.
If you have any suggestions for ME in-genre, please leave them! I'm always looking for new fantasy to pick up.
Okay, but seriously, there are other books out there, and while you're not-so-patiently waiting for the next book, here are some in-genre suggestions for you.
The Mistborn trilogy by Brandon Sanderson
-Read if: you like really cool original magic systems, and you like to fear for your characters
-Don't read if: you absolutely must have sex scenes in your fantasy novels; you don't do well with dystopias
I really can't recommend these books highly enough. Brandon Sanderson may be most well-known for finishing The Wheel of Time after Robert Jordan's death (confession time: I've only read the first two of that series and that was a while ago, I promise to go back and read them plz don't kill me), but truly should be more famous for his own original works. He has a standalone novel called Elantris, and has started his own epic series with The Way of Kings, and a bunch more for younger readers, but this trilogy is about as good as it comes. In this world, a long way back, there was a hero and a great evil...and the hero lost, leaving a ruined world. The world has been split into nobles and commoners, and the main character of the first novel is a 16 year old commoner girl named Vin. The magic, called Allomancy, is metal-based, and characters "burn" different metals to enhance their own abilities (you swallow and "burn" pewter to enhance your physical strength, for example.) Sanderson's world-building is so, so good at the magical level, and once you reach the end of the series, you realize just how well he had to plot out the three books.
The relationships, both friendship and romantic, are strong enough to make you cry (I did!), but if you absolutely must have some kind of serious sexual tension; sorry, it's just not here. The books are plenty R-rated when it comes to sex (castration, commoners used as sex slaves for nobles, etc.), but no one ever has it. Also the world can get crazy depressing at times (the commoners are basically slaves! wars! sacrifices! parents being the worst! main characters can just die!), which fits because it's a dystopia, but if you're not sold on a world where you literally have to every so often shake the ash off of things, and plants are just a dull brown, and your favorite characters can just freaking die, maybe don't pick these up. But do it anyway because they're great and I said so.
The Kingkiller Chronicle books by Patrick Rothfuss (trilogy, 2 of 3 are published)
-Read if: you like amazing first-person narration and a flawed hero; you like music; you like school stories
-Don't read if: you're impatient (author is on Martin's level at speed), you need a female narrator
Read these books now. Just do it. Your life will be enhanced. They are the story of Kvothe, a man who is known as a hero in his world, but he's the one telling the story. A well-known writer finds him hiding away running an inn, and Kvothe decides to tell his story and clear up all the inaccuracies to the legend. He's brilliant and flawed, and you totally buy him as a Famous Hero and also as a stupid teenage boy (especially in his interactions with women). He's at a university for much of the books, learning languages and science and magic, and the magic is totally believable, mostly because it has so many limits and you need to work at it. They have final exams. It's great. Additionally, Kvothe is a trouper and plays the lute, and Rothfuss' descriptions of what music can do are just made of truth and might make you cry. Rothfuss is simply an amazing writer and storyteller, and...just pick up the first book, The Name of the Wind. Just do it.
There's definitely quite a bit of downtime in between books, so if you don't do well starting in on unfinished series, this one may kill you. I've been dying for several years now; I named one of my online accounts "Kvothe" in a fit of sadness and couldn't remember that I had done so when I was trying to log back in. Additionally, there is a decent number of women in these books (varied, real women), but it is for sure about the men. It can also be frustrating when it seems like literally every woman in these books wants a piece of Kvothe, even when he's a 15-year-old ginger punk. I am still trying to figure out if the author is doing this on purpose (in a "teenage boys are sometimes dumb and don't know how to Woman" way), and it can get very eye-roll-inducing, but the ladies are still really cool. Just...please read. The writing is literally the best I've seen in this genre, and I need more people to talk to about these books.
Literally everything in the Tortall universe by Tamora Pierce (three quartets, one duology, one diary-form trilogy)
-Read if: you are or ever were a teenage girl; you love animals
-Don't read if: you absolutely can't stand a female narrator (AKA you're a chump), you hate shorter books
Duuuuude. Read her stuff. I don't care that it's technically young adult fiction, just do it. This lady is the coolest and has been writing forever, and her world-building is crazy good. Each quartet has a different main character/narrator, and all of them are awesome in different ways. (Kel's my favorite, if you were wondering.) Pierce is also a huge animal lover, and it comes across in her books. All her heroines have super awesome animals (dogs, cats, sparrows, a baby dragon!) that are part pet, part friend, and part kickass warrior.
Her books are on the shorter side: no thousand-page epics here, as they're written for teens. And I really wish there were more guys reading these books: Pierce suffers from the whole "books about boys are for boys and girls, but books about girls are ONLY for girls" thing. But seriously, if you're going to make the argument that you "can't relate" to a young woman's story about becoming a knight simply because she is a girl, I will hunt you down and force-feed you these books. There's no excuse, bros. Do it now.
The Sword of Truth books by Terry Goodkind (finished series of 11 books with a couple more written after with the same characters)
-Read if: you like high fantasy epic tropes with some serious bad guys
-Don't read if: you can't handle a healthy dose of Objectivism with your high fantasy; you want to actually fear for the main character
All the tropes are here: common hero told he's special, wizard advisor, cool sword, learns things along the journey. Richard Cypher is our hero here, and he's fighting against a world that is falling apart due to the actions of a ton of really, really bad dudes. He's collects helpers along the way, who are actually all pretty interesting and diverse characters, including lots of women (and a dragon, of course). The magic and history of the world is pretty cool, and for the bloodthirsty among you, there's plenty of battles to keep you busy. And possibly grossed out. Goodkind does not skimp on the blood and pain, and the baddies are real bad. Other than the hero and the baddies, the other characters serve as pretty decent companions and foils to our hero: some bad guys are redeemed, and good guys are allowed to disagree with our hero.
That being said: these are for fun. Don't think too hard. The author is a big-time libertarian/Objectivist, but 9 times out of 10 the references don't show up too obviously and you won't notice it. The 10th time, it's so heavy-handed that it's funny. However, if it's gonna bug you, maybe don't pick up this series (or skip Faith of the Fallen, which is the most blatant by far). And if you're neck-deep in GRRM-style death where NO ONE IS SAFE, this series may bug you, because your faves are special and safe because they're the faves. You can have a drinking game for every time someone said "you're a special person, Richard Cypher" and its variations. If 11 seems too daunting, read the first four and the last three, and Pillars of Creation: the first four are solid, plot-wise, the last three are one story set at breakneck, fascinating pace, and Pillars gives you a new main character (Richard's barely in this one).
The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms or probably anything else by N.K. Jemesin (trilogy, others)
-Read if: you like reading books both about and by women of color; fallen gods are fascinating
-Don't read if: you need me to tell you how they end because I haven't read the third one yet (I'm sorry), you thrive on descriptive detail and need a world to be mapped out completely
This first book is so, so good I can't even...I just...yeah. Please read it. The world that's created has three gods in it, but they had a war many many years ago, and one was victorious, one died...and one is imprisoned by the ruling family and used as sort of a pet. Conflict ready, set, go! The books have different narrators (I almost don't want to tell you that they're all women but they are), but they all deal with the concept of gods who are no longer as powerful as they are. The second book's main character, Oree, is also blind, and while I can't speak to how well the author described what it is like to be blind, the fact that she made a female POC with a disability her main character while not letting those things BE the plot speaks to just how cool this author is. Her prose is outstanding; I don't know how she does it, but every paragraph feels like good poetry.
I've only just finished book two of the three, and apparently the plotting is not as great as in the first two, which makes me sad, but even if you're not going to finish the series, please read book one. Additionally, while the author does build a substantial history for her characters' current status, you're left feeling that there's so much more to explore in this world (it is called the Hundred Thousand Kingdoms, after all). You'll have a vague fuzzy feeling in your head while reading because the author will sometimes leave sensory descriptions out in favor of describing feelings. This does not detract from the story and is simply a stylistic choice, but if you really like to hear about all the details (or you're on a Martin hook and need names for literally. every. person. ever.) it may bother you. Just support this lady. We need another Octavia Butler; we need like a million of them.
If you have any suggestions for ME in-genre, please leave them! I'm always looking for new fantasy to pick up.
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Why?! : sexy Halloween costumes, part 2
Did this one a few years back, but of course, they still exist, and they are sillier than ever. Also, friendly reminder to my fellow white people: don't dress up as a person of color this Halloween or ever. No geishas, no Gandhis, no blackface. Got it? Sweet. Moving on.
Here's the first one: "sexy Katniss."
Seriously not even all that offensive, but what's with the pose? "Oh, I always pose seductively when trying to kill other teenagers and carry medicine to cure blood poisoning." Fun fact SHE'S 16. Also note the flip flops. Very Katniss.
Next, we have "sexy Mario," which the company names "Heroic Maria."
Go home, Spirit Halloween, you're drunk.
Complete with mustache necklace and guarantee that only the shittiest of pick-up lines with be thrown at you all night.
Oh, look, Sexy Avatar! Neytiri, or whatever, those blue people.
"Oh, what are you supposed to be?"
"Culturally insignificant as of at least 2 years ago. How about you?"
Now, we've got a few that are basically like "sexually immature characters? What? Big words hurt no unnerstan give us moniez cuz be sexxi"
That, ladies and gents, is a sexy Care Bear. I can't.
Next, sexy Jessie from Toy Story, who originally did not wear a skirt.
Excuse me while I paraphrase Woody, but "SHE. IS. A. TOY." In a trilogy of movies made for CHILDREN. LEAVE BRITNEY ALOOOONE
Here's "Sassy" (no, really, that's what they called it) Pink Ranger.
I don't remember the Pink Ranger looking like a disco ball and the cover of Fifty Shades Darker had a baby.
Sexy lawn gnome. No, that's cool and relevant and totally hot, keep it up.
And I'm just gonna leave this one here, mostly because I can't stop laughing. (It's sexy Darth Vader.)
I'd like to round up the last of the sexy Halloween costumes with the ones that make me think "what on Earth happened in the marketing meeting where costumes got picked?"
Here we have "Sexy A Clockwork Orange."
No, I'm sure this was on Kubrick's drawing board for the film. A+, keep it up, droog.
And for your nightmare-having pleasure, "Sexy Silence of the Lambs."
That's supposed to be a straight-jacket-esque dress. I am all kinds of offended and disgusted.
Have you seen worse? Any self-made ones? Please share! Happy Halloweeeeeeeen
Here's the first one: "sexy Katniss."
Next, we have "sexy Mario," which the company names "Heroic Maria."
Go home, Spirit Halloween, you're drunk.
Oh, look, Sexy Avatar! Neytiri, or whatever, those blue people.
"Culturally insignificant as of at least 2 years ago. How about you?"
Now, we've got a few that are basically like "sexually immature characters? What? Big words hurt no unnerstan give us moniez cuz be sexxi"
Next, sexy Jessie from Toy Story, who originally did not wear a skirt.
Here's "Sassy" (no, really, that's what they called it) Pink Ranger.
I don't remember the Pink Ranger looking like a disco ball and the cover of Fifty Shades Darker had a baby.
Sexy lawn gnome. No, that's cool and relevant and totally hot, keep it up.
I'd like to round up the last of the sexy Halloween costumes with the ones that make me think "what on Earth happened in the marketing meeting where costumes got picked?"
Here we have "Sexy A Clockwork Orange."
No, I'm sure this was on Kubrick's drawing board for the film. A+, keep it up, droog.
And for your nightmare-having pleasure, "Sexy Silence of the Lambs."
Have you seen worse? Any self-made ones? Please share! Happy Halloweeeeeeeen
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)