There will be swearing in this post. So if you're like, a small child who reads this blog, maybe don't? I don't know, just throwing the disclaimer in there.
I want to be the person who gives you official permission to be sad and angry at the world on Valentine's Day. Since it is my birthday, I get control over what happens today. I am in a relationship, and I STILL fucking hate today. It is the worst.
Valentine's Day is designed in a very sneaky way that it is literally impossible to end the day happy. If you're single (or "it's complicated" or whatever the fuck Facebook has decided is a legitimate relationship this year) you are destined to be sad and angry at everything today. You don't have "someone special" to spend the day with, and all of your coupled up friends can't spend time with you because some bullshit holiday says they have to go out to dinner and clink champagne flutes. (Not that this happened to me like every fucking year on my birthday for like two decades or anything I'M BITTER AND PROUD.) Additionally, you're not allowed to even feel your feelings. "Singles Awareness Day!" you'll post as your status. "Happy Hallmark Holiday!" is how you'll greet people. They will all be variations on "I feel alone but I have to make jokes about it or people will call me pathetic and emo." The day makes you feel alone and then mocks you for feeling. Whose fucking idea was this?
For couples, it's arguably worse, because you're supposed to be happy. If you want a drinking game that will surely kill you, turn on the radio starting February 1st and take a shot every time someone says "get her what she really wants." You'll be drunk in ten minutes and probably dead in twenty. Valentine's Day has told me what I really want is: a dozen roses, jewelry, a car, additional jewelry, flowers that are NOT from a grocery store (???), to be proposed to with a specific ring, lots of stuff from Walgreens (which has really cornered the market in vague gift commercials, btdubs), to be allowed to pick out my own shoes (that one was weird), additional jewelry, to save money on groceries, DIAMONDSDIAMONDSDIAMONDS EVERY KISS BEGINS WITH A DIAMOND IS FOREVER TO SHOW HER YOU CARE ABOUT HER OPEN HEART HEY LADIES DIAMONDS ARE A FAIR TRADE FOR RESPECT AMIRITE etc. etc.
(Assuming you're heterosexual) there's pressure on guys to get the perfect gift, and if they "get it wrong" they start saying awful things like "women are crazy." Women have been conditioned to think that a guy who gives them plants is A+ all around. If you're with someone, this holiday isn't about love. It's about buying things as a replacement for love. But businesses can't get rich on mutual kindness, respect, and decent communication skills, so buy that bitch a necklace! Bitches love necklaces. Be happy with your necklace. Come back soon!
No one is allowed to actually feel things today. Only buy things. Don't be sad about being alone, go get drunk lol. Be happy about your man, at least you have someone lol. I'm going to post this picture of the flowers I got to Facebook because you can't mobile upload an act of kindness.
If you'd like to rebel in the same fashion that I do (or at least try to do), have some feelings today. Get angry. Cry in front of someone. Call somebody else out on their bullshit. Do something kind for a person, and if you're on the receiving end, write an elaborate thank-you email. Care about something, anything, in an outrageous way. Get yourself what you really want, which is the ability to be something other than neutral and not get mocked for it. Don't let some bullshit fucking made-up illegitimate non-holiday keep you from having your emotions. Have them as loudly as possible. Let me know how that goes.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Sunday, February 10, 2013
I am an idiot and re-watched an episode of 16 and Pregnant and now I want to burn the world down
I really don't have a good reason for why I did so; it's not like the episode was new, or that I remembered something good that happened in it, or that I was doing it for an assignment. I think I just needed a reason to hate the world, and this episode provided that quite easily.
Teen Mom 2 is currently in the middle of showing its third season, and it's a little bit awkward because it's not in real time, so there are "spoilers" everywhere and very few things are surprises. The four girls are Leah, a girl from West Virginia who had twins and has since remarried and is pregnant again; Jenelle, a girl from North Carolina who has been off and on probation and is everyone's favorite disaster; Kailyn, a girl from Pennsylvania with zero family support and zero sympathy; and Chelsea, a girl from South Dakota who spent the first two seasons studying for her GED and refusing to emotionally separate from her daughter's father. At least, this is what the show wishes you to see.
Each of these girls has gotten royally screwed by her family, the father, and/or society, and while they've all made mistakes, so has everyone else in the goddamn world and we focus on whether or not a 19-year-old girl is being a "good mom" because she gets her nails done frequently. Leah got engaged to her current husband after about two months of dating, and while I seriously hope that it works out for them, some way that she was raised (many blame the small-town culture she grew up in) told her that having a "family" on paper was important enough to move very, very quickly (read: engaged after two months). Jenelle got diagnosed with bipolar disorder in season 2, and the shittiness of our mental health system makes it more important for her probation officer to check if she's smoking pot than for her to stay on her meds or get effective therapy. Kailyn's parents essentially abandoned her, and she shows significant evidence of narcissistic personality disorder and there's no way she'll receive treatment for it. And Chelsea, who is the hardest one for me to watch, has been addicted to the affection of her daughter's abusive father for roughly three years.
I rewatched Chelsea's episode.
Her daughter's father, Adam, is a nightmare. Chelsea's dad can't stand the kid, and does his best to tell him to shape up. Chelsea's mother (her parents are divorced) generally seems to be very "I'm not a regular mom, I'm a cool mom, right, Regina?" and therefore does not advise Chelsea to get this kid out of her life.
The kid bounces in and out of her life and she spends an excessive amount of time asking if he's mad at her. Her friends, to their credit, tell her that Adam doesn't need to be involved in her life, despite the baby, especially since she spends so much time walking on eggshells avoiding his anger. She tells them that she worries that she makes him mad, and that's why he's mad all the time. One example of this is her daring to catch a ride from someone else to a party when he's late. You get to feel the constant anxiety Chelsea experienced while attempting to obey rules that she's not even aware of until she breaks them. Classic emotional abuse, but no one in the show calls it that because it's not like he HITS her, or anything.
He's there for the birth, which is early, and the baby (Aubree) spends over a week in the hospital before she's ready to come home. He manages to get his last name on her birth certificate. Chelsea gets mad at him when he doesn't want to spend the baby's first night out of the hospital at home with her, and he calls her "stupid." The show skips over weeks, but Chelsea begins to show signs of depression (doesn't leave the house, doesn't call her friends, stops getting dressed up for any reason), and she tells the audience in a voice-over that Adam hasn't come to see his daughter in weeks. At this point in my rewatch I wasn't sure whether I was going to cry or skull-implode from anger, but the next ten minutes decided it for me.
Chelsea's friends manage to get her out of her house for high school homecoming (she hasn't been in school since she gave birth) and she returns several hours later to a text from Adam saying "heard u wnt out...way 2b a good mom." Skull-implosion begins.
Chelsea calls him and asks something along the lines of "do you say things like that just to make me feel terrible?" He asks "why the hell are you calling me?" She hangs up. I can't see straight I'm so angry at this point.
She texts him something about assuming he never wants to see her or his daughter again. He replies with a run-on text sentence that includes the gems "you fat stretch mark bitch" and "tell me when and where to sign over the papers for that mistake." She bursts into tears and I contemplate if I have enough matches to burn down the whole world.
The episode ends with her saying that the text was the last straw because her baby girl hadn't done anything wrong, and he called her a "mistake." She finds a lawyer to drop Adam's last name from her daughter's birth certificate and legal name. They are positive steps, but Adam has come back every season so far, and Chelsea doesn't finish high school.
It blows my mind that this kid is allowed to be like, walking around with no punishment. I don't even know what laws you'd have to put in place (other than like "don't be a douche to the mother of your kid"), but the fact that he's had actually zero repercussions from his atrocious behavior makes me have thoughts like "the world is awful and we're all doomed." How do you even begin to explain to someone that the emotional manipulation he's been practicing for years is awful, but technically there's nothing on the books you can do to punish him? Without him skipping away gleefully, that is.
I need to stop watching awful shows. I am a Song of Ice and Fire fan and even though like everyone dies on that show I cry less than in one episode of freaking Teen Mom 2. Don't let me do this anymore.
Teen Mom 2 is currently in the middle of showing its third season, and it's a little bit awkward because it's not in real time, so there are "spoilers" everywhere and very few things are surprises. The four girls are Leah, a girl from West Virginia who had twins and has since remarried and is pregnant again; Jenelle, a girl from North Carolina who has been off and on probation and is everyone's favorite disaster; Kailyn, a girl from Pennsylvania with zero family support and zero sympathy; and Chelsea, a girl from South Dakota who spent the first two seasons studying for her GED and refusing to emotionally separate from her daughter's father. At least, this is what the show wishes you to see.
Each of these girls has gotten royally screwed by her family, the father, and/or society, and while they've all made mistakes, so has everyone else in the goddamn world and we focus on whether or not a 19-year-old girl is being a "good mom" because she gets her nails done frequently. Leah got engaged to her current husband after about two months of dating, and while I seriously hope that it works out for them, some way that she was raised (many blame the small-town culture she grew up in) told her that having a "family" on paper was important enough to move very, very quickly (read: engaged after two months). Jenelle got diagnosed with bipolar disorder in season 2, and the shittiness of our mental health system makes it more important for her probation officer to check if she's smoking pot than for her to stay on her meds or get effective therapy. Kailyn's parents essentially abandoned her, and she shows significant evidence of narcissistic personality disorder and there's no way she'll receive treatment for it. And Chelsea, who is the hardest one for me to watch, has been addicted to the affection of her daughter's abusive father for roughly three years.
I rewatched Chelsea's episode.
Her daughter's father, Adam, is a nightmare. Chelsea's dad can't stand the kid, and does his best to tell him to shape up. Chelsea's mother (her parents are divorced) generally seems to be very "I'm not a regular mom, I'm a cool mom, right, Regina?" and therefore does not advise Chelsea to get this kid out of her life.
The kid bounces in and out of her life and she spends an excessive amount of time asking if he's mad at her. Her friends, to their credit, tell her that Adam doesn't need to be involved in her life, despite the baby, especially since she spends so much time walking on eggshells avoiding his anger. She tells them that she worries that she makes him mad, and that's why he's mad all the time. One example of this is her daring to catch a ride from someone else to a party when he's late. You get to feel the constant anxiety Chelsea experienced while attempting to obey rules that she's not even aware of until she breaks them. Classic emotional abuse, but no one in the show calls it that because it's not like he HITS her, or anything.
He's there for the birth, which is early, and the baby (Aubree) spends over a week in the hospital before she's ready to come home. He manages to get his last name on her birth certificate. Chelsea gets mad at him when he doesn't want to spend the baby's first night out of the hospital at home with her, and he calls her "stupid." The show skips over weeks, but Chelsea begins to show signs of depression (doesn't leave the house, doesn't call her friends, stops getting dressed up for any reason), and she tells the audience in a voice-over that Adam hasn't come to see his daughter in weeks. At this point in my rewatch I wasn't sure whether I was going to cry or skull-implode from anger, but the next ten minutes decided it for me.
Chelsea's friends manage to get her out of her house for high school homecoming (she hasn't been in school since she gave birth) and she returns several hours later to a text from Adam saying "heard u wnt out...way 2b a good mom." Skull-implosion begins.
Chelsea calls him and asks something along the lines of "do you say things like that just to make me feel terrible?" He asks "why the hell are you calling me?" She hangs up. I can't see straight I'm so angry at this point.
She texts him something about assuming he never wants to see her or his daughter again. He replies with a run-on text sentence that includes the gems "you fat stretch mark bitch" and "tell me when and where to sign over the papers for that mistake." She bursts into tears and I contemplate if I have enough matches to burn down the whole world.
The episode ends with her saying that the text was the last straw because her baby girl hadn't done anything wrong, and he called her a "mistake." She finds a lawyer to drop Adam's last name from her daughter's birth certificate and legal name. They are positive steps, but Adam has come back every season so far, and Chelsea doesn't finish high school.
It blows my mind that this kid is allowed to be like, walking around with no punishment. I don't even know what laws you'd have to put in place (other than like "don't be a douche to the mother of your kid"), but the fact that he's had actually zero repercussions from his atrocious behavior makes me have thoughts like "the world is awful and we're all doomed." How do you even begin to explain to someone that the emotional manipulation he's been practicing for years is awful, but technically there's nothing on the books you can do to punish him? Without him skipping away gleefully, that is.
I need to stop watching awful shows. I am a Song of Ice and Fire fan and even though like everyone dies on that show I cry less than in one episode of freaking Teen Mom 2. Don't let me do this anymore.
Sunday, January 20, 2013
A rage-fueled treadmill workout
39:30 in my 5k yesterday. WHAT. UP. I get that this is far from Olympic quality but I broke 40 minutes holy crap we so excited we so so excited. On an unrelated note, Old Navy's active line is hella sweet. Stuff is cheap and it is truly pretty good. I got a pair of "compression" pants there this week and they are A+.
Sundays, based on my half marathon plan, are "easy" days, and I generally hit the treadmill for these. Conveniently, a week ago, the TV on the wall was showing some new workout for laydees and I therefore adjusted my speed and incline for each stupid and/or sexist thing the commercial showed.
(I'm joking here. This wouldn't work because I'd be mashing buttons every three seconds. But the anger did really help me to finish.)
Increase your speed by 0.1 every time
I don't really know how to wrap this up. Just anger. Lots of anger. Love you all.
Sundays, based on my half marathon plan, are "easy" days, and I generally hit the treadmill for these. Conveniently, a week ago, the TV on the wall was showing some new workout for laydees and I therefore adjusted my speed and incline for each stupid and/or sexist thing the commercial showed.
(I'm joking here. This wouldn't work because I'd be mashing buttons every three seconds. But the anger did really help me to finish.)
Increase your speed by 0.1 every time
- The founder says "tone"
- They interview a woman wearing a pastel workout top
- A bikini-clad model is shown emerging from a pool with no connection to the product being sold
- Someone verbally shits on another workout for no reason
- They show a perfectly groomed smiling woman performing the workout
- "I got the body I've always wanted!"
- They show the beginner, intermediate, and advanced next to each other and there's legit no difference between intermediate and advanced
- A picture that could be the poster child for Worst Posture Ever is used as a "Before"
- They say Hollywood actresses are using this method and fail to mention anyone by name
- The founder asks some of the laydees who have tried this workout "what inspires them" and they all say "you do! and this workout does! and OH EM GEE, it's just the BESTEST!"
- Someone says they lost a certain amount of inches without specifying any more than the number (can someone explain this to me? Sometimes it legit seems like you just chopped your legs off and got shorter or something "WEEE I LOST 14 INCHES" like in height? JE NE COMPRENDS PAS)
- Anyone in the commercial says "problem areas"
- Can we seriously retire this phrase forever? You know what's a problem area? Darfur. You know what's not? Your stomach.
- The commercial legit brings these ladies' husbands in to talk about how nice their butts are now and how they look better than ever and how they're "so happy with the results"
- Okay this one I didn't plan but I was in the middle of a hill repeat and they brought the husbands in to this weird looking room with their wives to leer at them and talk about how they got "strong in a feminine way" and I just went "you've got to be effing kidding me" and cranked up my speed so I could take advantage of my anger-fuel
- They bring in twin sisters, one of whom has tried the workout and the other who has not and they interview the twin who did not and she says "I saw my sister's results and I told my husband 'I'm the fatter twin now!'" and then bursts into tears
- There are so many terrible things about that sound bite and using it that I don't even know where to begin
I don't really know how to wrap this up. Just anger. Lots of anger. Love you all.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Why making fun of "resolutioners" is a shitty thing to do
Someone told me today that judging other people is America's new national pastime. I am in absolute agreement. We're all aiming constantly not to be "good" but to be "better than that person over there." There are infinite manifestations of this around us, but one of the more prominent ones right now is judging people who join gyms in January, also called "resolutioners."
I'm gonna break each reason I've heard down and explain why making fun of anyone who joined a gym in hopes of getting fit in 2013 is an asshole move.
1. "Ugh, my gym is so crowded now!"
Son, yo' gym was crowded before. It's really not much worse, you just think it is. Also, when you signed up for your gym there's no way they said "nah you'll be fine, machines are always free." Gyms with always-free machines close down. Your gym probs even has peak and off-peak hours because people go to the Goddamn gym. They paid to be there, so did you, and you both have equal rights to touch things. Deal with it.
2. "They're not even going to be there past February!"
Some of them will. And a huge chunk of people who sign up for gyms regardless of time of year don't return. I didn't realize that every membership given out in January is invalid if the user doesn't make it till March.
3. "Like, I don't understand why gyms let all these people sign up at once."
Seriously? TO MAKE MONEY. GYMS MAKE MONEY. They make even more on people who sign up and DON'T return, so if they are run by not-so-nice people, those people will be thrilled to take your initiation fee and then do a little joy-dance in their office if they think you're never coming back. Decent places want you to feel good, but all places need to make money and barring some fight in the yoga studio because someone's elbow was in someone's face because they fit 80 people in a 20 person room, they're gonna continue to sign people up.
4. "*some comment about how you can 'always tell' who's there as part of a New Year's Resolution*"
You're calling them fat, we get it, and you're a terrible person. When you aren't skinny, it's freaking hard enough to get up the courage to sign up for a membership, and then you have to worry about everyone else there judging you and hoping you disappear because your fat ass is taking up space on an elliptical that you apparently inherited and have complete rights to? I've been there, okay? I'm still not skinny and I don't know if I ever will be, but when you gave me some dirty look because my size 14 ass was on a spin bike in the back of class (to which I arrived 25 minutes early to set up my bike and hide in the back row) I feel even more shame than society in general makes me feel for being chubby and this makes it less likely that I'll change. Not that this happened to me or anything. Grrr.
5. "They never even know how to use the equipment!"
There are PLENTY of decade-long gym goers who don't know shit, too. I've seen ladies and dudes run like 8 miles on a treadmill, sweat all the hell over it, and not wipe it down. I see plenty of GTL-ing-esque dudebros screwing up lat pull-downs or whatever and clanging machines and dropping weights or whatever else you're pissed about them not knowing. There are regulars in every spin class I've been to who come in late, hang out in the front row, don't follow the instructor's directions, leave early, and don't wipe down the bike. I have no proof on this, but I'd be willing to bet money that new people are actually more courteous about gym etiquette than regulars are. Because the regulars don't get judged like the new people.
6. "Blah blah first world problems blah blah"
Whatever other reason you can come up with, just shut up. Seriously. You're being mean and rude and unhelpful and judgmental and just awful. Stop it.
I'm gonna break each reason I've heard down and explain why making fun of anyone who joined a gym in hopes of getting fit in 2013 is an asshole move.
1. "Ugh, my gym is so crowded now!"
Son, yo' gym was crowded before. It's really not much worse, you just think it is. Also, when you signed up for your gym there's no way they said "nah you'll be fine, machines are always free." Gyms with always-free machines close down. Your gym probs even has peak and off-peak hours because people go to the Goddamn gym. They paid to be there, so did you, and you both have equal rights to touch things. Deal with it.
2. "They're not even going to be there past February!"
Some of them will. And a huge chunk of people who sign up for gyms regardless of time of year don't return. I didn't realize that every membership given out in January is invalid if the user doesn't make it till March.
3. "Like, I don't understand why gyms let all these people sign up at once."
Seriously? TO MAKE MONEY. GYMS MAKE MONEY. They make even more on people who sign up and DON'T return, so if they are run by not-so-nice people, those people will be thrilled to take your initiation fee and then do a little joy-dance in their office if they think you're never coming back. Decent places want you to feel good, but all places need to make money and barring some fight in the yoga studio because someone's elbow was in someone's face because they fit 80 people in a 20 person room, they're gonna continue to sign people up.
4. "*some comment about how you can 'always tell' who's there as part of a New Year's Resolution*"
You're calling them fat, we get it, and you're a terrible person. When you aren't skinny, it's freaking hard enough to get up the courage to sign up for a membership, and then you have to worry about everyone else there judging you and hoping you disappear because your fat ass is taking up space on an elliptical that you apparently inherited and have complete rights to? I've been there, okay? I'm still not skinny and I don't know if I ever will be, but when you gave me some dirty look because my size 14 ass was on a spin bike in the back of class (to which I arrived 25 minutes early to set up my bike and hide in the back row) I feel even more shame than society in general makes me feel for being chubby and this makes it less likely that I'll change. Not that this happened to me or anything. Grrr.
5. "They never even know how to use the equipment!"
There are PLENTY of decade-long gym goers who don't know shit, too. I've seen ladies and dudes run like 8 miles on a treadmill, sweat all the hell over it, and not wipe it down. I see plenty of GTL-ing-esque dudebros screwing up lat pull-downs or whatever and clanging machines and dropping weights or whatever else you're pissed about them not knowing. There are regulars in every spin class I've been to who come in late, hang out in the front row, don't follow the instructor's directions, leave early, and don't wipe down the bike. I have no proof on this, but I'd be willing to bet money that new people are actually more courteous about gym etiquette than regulars are. Because the regulars don't get judged like the new people.
6. "Blah blah first world problems blah blah"
Whatever other reason you can come up with, just shut up. Seriously. You're being mean and rude and unhelpful and judgmental and just awful. Stop it.
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