Someone told me today that judging other people is America's new national pastime. I am in absolute agreement. We're all aiming constantly not to be "good" but to be "better than that person over there." There are infinite manifestations of this around us, but one of the more prominent ones right now is judging people who join gyms in January, also called "resolutioners."
I'm gonna break each reason I've heard down and explain why making fun of anyone who joined a gym in hopes of getting fit in 2013 is an asshole move.
1. "Ugh, my gym is so crowded now!"
Son, yo' gym was crowded before. It's really not much worse, you just think it is. Also, when you signed up for your gym there's no way they said "nah you'll be fine, machines are always free." Gyms with always-free machines close down. Your gym probs even has peak and off-peak hours because people go to the Goddamn gym. They paid to be there, so did you, and you both have equal rights to touch things. Deal with it.
2. "They're not even going to be there past February!"
Some of them will. And a huge chunk of people who sign up for gyms regardless of time of year don't return. I didn't realize that every membership given out in January is invalid if the user doesn't make it till March.
3. "Like, I don't understand why gyms let all these people sign up at once."
Seriously? TO MAKE MONEY. GYMS MAKE MONEY. They make even more on people who sign up and DON'T return, so if they are run by not-so-nice people, those people will be thrilled to take your initiation fee and then do a little joy-dance in their office if they think you're never coming back. Decent places want you to feel good, but all places need to make money and barring some fight in the yoga studio because someone's elbow was in someone's face because they fit 80 people in a 20 person room, they're gonna continue to sign people up.
4. "*some comment about how you can 'always tell' who's there as part of a New Year's Resolution*"
You're calling them fat, we get it, and you're a terrible person. When you aren't skinny, it's freaking hard enough to get up the courage to sign up for a membership, and then you have to worry about everyone else there judging you and hoping you disappear because your fat ass is taking up space on an elliptical that you apparently inherited and have complete rights to? I've been there, okay? I'm still not skinny and I don't know if I ever will be, but when you gave me some dirty look because my size 14 ass was on a spin bike in the back of class (to which I arrived 25 minutes early to set up my bike and hide in the back row) I feel even more shame than society in general makes me feel for being chubby and this makes it less likely that I'll change. Not that this happened to me or anything. Grrr.
5. "They never even know how to use the equipment!"
There are PLENTY of decade-long gym goers who don't know shit, too. I've seen ladies and dudes run like 8 miles on a treadmill, sweat all the hell over it, and not wipe it down. I see plenty of GTL-ing-esque dudebros screwing up lat pull-downs or whatever and clanging machines and dropping weights or whatever else you're pissed about them not knowing. There are regulars in every spin class I've been to who come in late, hang out in the front row, don't follow the instructor's directions, leave early, and don't wipe down the bike. I have no proof on this, but I'd be willing to bet money that new people are actually more courteous about gym etiquette than regulars are. Because the regulars don't get judged like the new people.
6. "Blah blah first world problems blah blah"
Whatever other reason you can come up with, just shut up. Seriously. You're being mean and rude and unhelpful and judgmental and just awful. Stop it.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
I'm so 3008, you're so 2013
Yeah I adjusted some Black Eyed Peas lyrics. I should be ashamed but I'm not.
In general, I am not sorry to be wishing 2012 goodbye. There were some good parts but I am happy that huge parts of it are gone. Mostly because this is the first year in about a half dozen that I'm not sure if I'm better/happier than I was a year ago. I'm pleased to be done with this year, even if there's really no difference between December 31st and January 1st.
I've got some pretty scary goals for this next year, and not all of them are really conducive to a blog post format (hey, you gotta keep some parts of your life off the internet) but I do have a few to share.
In general, I am not sorry to be wishing 2012 goodbye. There were some good parts but I am happy that huge parts of it are gone. Mostly because this is the first year in about a half dozen that I'm not sure if I'm better/happier than I was a year ago. I'm pleased to be done with this year, even if there's really no difference between December 31st and January 1st.
I've got some pretty scary goals for this next year, and not all of them are really conducive to a blog post format (hey, you gotta keep some parts of your life off the internet) but I do have a few to share.
- Break 3 hours in a half marathon. I signed up for a half marathon in June, and I'm debating doing a second in September. Since I've never done one before, I'll PR automatically as long as I finish, but I wanna come in under 3 hours. I think I can do this.
- As a related note, I want to break 39 minutes in my 5k. Writing these things here is to let anyone reading this know two things: you now can encourage (yell?) at me to make these times, and y'all, seriously: I ain't fast. I am still a runner. Speed doesn't matter. If you run, you are a runner, and that is all that matters.
- Keep my life neater. I don't really ever lose things, I just don't usually have places for them, so where I set them down is supposed to be "special" and then it's so special I can't find them again. I will be neater and cleaner and my life will look like a damn IKEA catalog because I said so.
- Feel less shame. This part is and has been a lifelong process, but I want to be at a point eventually where my mistakes do not send me into a spiraling mess that lands me at "I'm a terrible person." Humans make mistakes. Good people make mistakes. I can make mistakes without being ruined.
- Trust in God more. I am so terribly crappy about this and it hurts me when I don't trust. When I do, I feel less lost, less useless.
- Get angry. This is going to probably be the toughest one of all for me. I've internalized this concept that if I am angry with someone, I've done something wrong, and to express that anger is also wrong, because it makes people uncomfortable. This is simply not true. There are things to be angry about. There are enough things to be angry about that I could walk around in a rage every waking minute and that would actually be totally reasonable. And I'm not talking "lol people in Pennsylvania can't drive" kinds of anger. I'm talking about "you hurt me, and that's not okay" anger. I have a tendency to be a doormat and blame myself all the time. Clearly, a 180 degree switch is a bad call, but I've got to learn to call out people/situations/anything that is horrible to me.
- Thing that will help: eradicating "why are you getting so upset?" and all its variations and implications from my life
Friday, December 21, 2012
Does this make me a bad person?
So for the past 6 months I have attempted to get healthier. I have in general been eating better, but I'm pretty terrible at denying myself things, so instead of giving myself a really hard time because a bear claw at Panera was calling to me, I will eat half of it one day, half the next, and run a bunch of miles in between. Less denial, more miles. I just came up with that and I'm pretty proud of it.
I never thought I'd get to the point where I actually need to replace my running shoes because I beat them up, but it feels pretty good. I'm gonna treat myself and find a specialty running shop and let them measure my feet and whatever weird voodoo they need to make happen so I get really awesome shoes. I hope they are neon.
I've basically had three goals since starting this change.
1. Be healthy
2. Log more miles
3. Drop some pounds
Yes, goal 3 is mostly because if I'm lighter I can run more and faster, but I have started to wonder if wanting to lose weight is anti-feminist, fatshaming, or something else awful. I've dropped about 25 pounds since I started this, but I don't want it to be at the expense of being body-positive.
I know I'm in pretty decent shape. I am not fast, at all, when I run, but my long workouts are creeping up towards 5 miles and I know I couldn't have done that 7 months ago. Ice cream happens, but fruit and vegetables and eating when I'm hungry instead of bored happens more. I'm down a jeans size, which was cool but more so because I now have pants that fit me. Pants that fit are like the 8th wonder of the world.
But then I start to think about the entire concept of weight as a measurement of health, and then I hate myself for wanting to lose anything. I should be measuring my overall health, and if I need to look at numbers, I should be checking my mile log to see if that's going up, not the scale to see if it's going down. At my last doctor's appointment, I got irrationally angry once I got in the car because the doctor had told me "I'd like to see you lose a little weight" after I'd told him that I run 3-4 times a week, my blood pressure and pulse rate were awesome, I eat fine, I don't smoke, and so on and so forth. The number on the scale was more important.
I've since figured out that my concern over weight loss can be split into two camps: one, pounds are generally a pretty shitty way of determining whether someone is healthy, and two, no matter what anyone says, skinny is still the beauty standard for America and extra pounds means you're gonna get fatshamed.
First camp, whatever. I'll get angry about it sometimes (see above doctor conversation), but I know I'm healthy and getting healthier, so haters gonna hate. I don't weight myself often, so I know I'm not obsessed with dropping pounds, and overall, whatever, I'm allowed to notice weight loss. But the second camp? I can't come to terms with it at all.
The country hates fat people, and fat women in particular. Women are allowed (and encouraged, as if this were something we could control) to have "curves," which means breasts and an ass but nothing else. Extra pounds means you're lazy and ugly. Lines like "they shouldn't make leggings in sizes bigger than a medium" is treated as Pulizter-prize-winning wit instead of the cruel bullshit that it is.
I'm still generally shy and embarrassed when I go to the gym, and that's really not okay. I paid to be there and I wipe machines off after I use them and frankly that is all that should matter. I am constantly convinced, however, that people are looking at me and judging me because I'm not a size 2 and I'm using a treadmill. I live in fear that after a spin class some misguided lady is gonna come up to me and say "good for you getting through this class!" This is a paraphrase of an article I read, but this basically sums it up: pretty much everyone at a gym is there for the express reason of not being me. No one signs up for a year-long membership hoping to walk out looking like I do.
So does wanting to be skinnier (albeit mostly because I will be able to run faster and more) make me a bad person? Am I buying into the bullshit? Am I letting myself feel unattractive to the world until I'm down a few more sizes?
Thoughts and advice?
I never thought I'd get to the point where I actually need to replace my running shoes because I beat them up, but it feels pretty good. I'm gonna treat myself and find a specialty running shop and let them measure my feet and whatever weird voodoo they need to make happen so I get really awesome shoes. I hope they are neon.
I've basically had three goals since starting this change.
1. Be healthy
2. Log more miles
3. Drop some pounds
Yes, goal 3 is mostly because if I'm lighter I can run more and faster, but I have started to wonder if wanting to lose weight is anti-feminist, fatshaming, or something else awful. I've dropped about 25 pounds since I started this, but I don't want it to be at the expense of being body-positive.
I know I'm in pretty decent shape. I am not fast, at all, when I run, but my long workouts are creeping up towards 5 miles and I know I couldn't have done that 7 months ago. Ice cream happens, but fruit and vegetables and eating when I'm hungry instead of bored happens more. I'm down a jeans size, which was cool but more so because I now have pants that fit me. Pants that fit are like the 8th wonder of the world.
But then I start to think about the entire concept of weight as a measurement of health, and then I hate myself for wanting to lose anything. I should be measuring my overall health, and if I need to look at numbers, I should be checking my mile log to see if that's going up, not the scale to see if it's going down. At my last doctor's appointment, I got irrationally angry once I got in the car because the doctor had told me "I'd like to see you lose a little weight" after I'd told him that I run 3-4 times a week, my blood pressure and pulse rate were awesome, I eat fine, I don't smoke, and so on and so forth. The number on the scale was more important.
I've since figured out that my concern over weight loss can be split into two camps: one, pounds are generally a pretty shitty way of determining whether someone is healthy, and two, no matter what anyone says, skinny is still the beauty standard for America and extra pounds means you're gonna get fatshamed.
First camp, whatever. I'll get angry about it sometimes (see above doctor conversation), but I know I'm healthy and getting healthier, so haters gonna hate. I don't weight myself often, so I know I'm not obsessed with dropping pounds, and overall, whatever, I'm allowed to notice weight loss. But the second camp? I can't come to terms with it at all.
The country hates fat people, and fat women in particular. Women are allowed (and encouraged, as if this were something we could control) to have "curves," which means breasts and an ass but nothing else. Extra pounds means you're lazy and ugly. Lines like "they shouldn't make leggings in sizes bigger than a medium" is treated as Pulizter-prize-winning wit instead of the cruel bullshit that it is.
I'm still generally shy and embarrassed when I go to the gym, and that's really not okay. I paid to be there and I wipe machines off after I use them and frankly that is all that should matter. I am constantly convinced, however, that people are looking at me and judging me because I'm not a size 2 and I'm using a treadmill. I live in fear that after a spin class some misguided lady is gonna come up to me and say "good for you getting through this class!" This is a paraphrase of an article I read, but this basically sums it up: pretty much everyone at a gym is there for the express reason of not being me. No one signs up for a year-long membership hoping to walk out looking like I do.
So does wanting to be skinnier (albeit mostly because I will be able to run faster and more) make me a bad person? Am I buying into the bullshit? Am I letting myself feel unattractive to the world until I'm down a few more sizes?
Thoughts and advice?
Friday, December 7, 2012
Slight but important differences between Pennsylvania and New York drivers
I drove home for Thanksgiving, and it took me seven and a half hours. This is a three hour trip, and while that long in a car (I didn't stop because apparently "it'll take an extra eight minutes to get there if I stop to stretch" > "how do you know if you have a blood clot in your leg AM I DYING") isn't fun regardless of circumstances, I was doing between zero and five miles per hour for a majority of the trip, so my right leg was all kinds of painful. The crowning glory of this trip was attempting to go over the Goethals bridge and slamming on my brakes to avoid getting hit by some girl with a rhinestone crown on her back window. You won, princess, congrats.
I have since driven back to New York an additional time, so on these two there and back again trips I learned several slight, but key, differences between New York drivers and Pennsylvania ones.
1. Merging
New York drivers pretty much follow the one-car-from-each-lane-goes system when it's really bad and no one's fault. There's always Entitled Asshat who drives up the shoulder and then attempts to merge ahead of like a hundred cars and then LOL OOPS NO ONE LETS YOU IN and I am not a vengeful person but dear God that is satisfying to observe.
Pennsylvania: while it seems like it would not be possible for this to be so, I am convinced that every person in Pennsylvania is Entitled Asshat, with a side of Drifty McDrifterson who just vaguely wanders between lanes and doesn't signal. It means I get to play a serious game of "this person will be in my lane.....NOW waitnope OKAY NOW" for a mile and a half on the turnpike. Unless you have an axe wound wait your damn turn.
1a. Merging due to construction
New York: people try to get over immediately after they see the sign that the left or right lane is disappearing in half a mile.
Pennsylvania: people try to get over immediately after they've driven straight into a construction vehicle in the no-longer-present left or right lane.
2. Speed limits
New York: that is the speed at which you drive in the right lane. 55 means 70 in the left lane, 65 means 80, and you adjust for the speed of traffic.
Pennsylvania: 55 means 40 in the left lane with your turn signal on for at least 3 miles. You are unaware that any other cars exist around you.
3. Turning left with a green light
New York: you cut this close, always, but you speed up so the person with the right of way coming the other direction doesn't have to brake too hard.
Pennsylvania: turn left regardless of light color. Left is the almighty ruler and everyone will brake for you because you have to get Jaydynn and Kartyrsen to soccer on time in your Escalade. (STOP PUTTING Y'S IN YOUR CHILDREN'S NAMES WHERE THEY DON'T BELONG)
4. Cutting people off
New York: you do this, frequently. You are not a jerk about it, and give the little "sorry I know I did something jerky please forgive me" wave.
Pennsylvania: LOLWUT THERE ARE OTHER CARS WHO KNEW
5. Toll booths
New York: you pick a lane near you and near the entrance ramp to the section of the highway you would like to be on.
Pennsylvania: you pick the toll lane farthest from your current position, have no idea where you want to go, and break down while you're next to the booth.
6. Entrance ramps
New York: ramp's short? Floor it. Get up to speed as quickly as possible and get over. (Andrew, despite being a Pennsylvania resident, calls entrance ramps "launch pads" and is therefore doing it correctly.)
Pennsylvania:Oh, those cars are fast. I'll just wait for a half-mile gap during rush hour and then slowly get up to speed. Aw, there's like a cute little line behind me, I'm like a mother duck with her ducklings. Aw, the guy behind me is even CALLING me mother duck! I am adorable.
PA, get it together, son.
I have since driven back to New York an additional time, so on these two there and back again trips I learned several slight, but key, differences between New York drivers and Pennsylvania ones.
1. Merging
New York drivers pretty much follow the one-car-from-each-lane-goes system when it's really bad and no one's fault. There's always Entitled Asshat who drives up the shoulder and then attempts to merge ahead of like a hundred cars and then LOL OOPS NO ONE LETS YOU IN and I am not a vengeful person but dear God that is satisfying to observe.
Pennsylvania: while it seems like it would not be possible for this to be so, I am convinced that every person in Pennsylvania is Entitled Asshat, with a side of Drifty McDrifterson who just vaguely wanders between lanes and doesn't signal. It means I get to play a serious game of "this person will be in my lane.....NOW waitnope OKAY NOW" for a mile and a half on the turnpike. Unless you have an axe wound wait your damn turn.
1a. Merging due to construction
New York: people try to get over immediately after they see the sign that the left or right lane is disappearing in half a mile.
Pennsylvania: people try to get over immediately after they've driven straight into a construction vehicle in the no-longer-present left or right lane.
2. Speed limits
New York: that is the speed at which you drive in the right lane. 55 means 70 in the left lane, 65 means 80, and you adjust for the speed of traffic.
Pennsylvania: 55 means 40 in the left lane with your turn signal on for at least 3 miles. You are unaware that any other cars exist around you.
3. Turning left with a green light
New York: you cut this close, always, but you speed up so the person with the right of way coming the other direction doesn't have to brake too hard.
Pennsylvania: turn left regardless of light color. Left is the almighty ruler and everyone will brake for you because you have to get Jaydynn and Kartyrsen to soccer on time in your Escalade. (STOP PUTTING Y'S IN YOUR CHILDREN'S NAMES WHERE THEY DON'T BELONG)
4. Cutting people off
New York: you do this, frequently. You are not a jerk about it, and give the little "sorry I know I did something jerky please forgive me" wave.
Pennsylvania: LOLWUT THERE ARE OTHER CARS WHO KNEW
5. Toll booths
New York: you pick a lane near you and near the entrance ramp to the section of the highway you would like to be on.
Pennsylvania: you pick the toll lane farthest from your current position, have no idea where you want to go, and break down while you're next to the booth.
6. Entrance ramps
New York: ramp's short? Floor it. Get up to speed as quickly as possible and get over. (Andrew, despite being a Pennsylvania resident, calls entrance ramps "launch pads" and is therefore doing it correctly.)
Pennsylvania:Oh, those cars are fast. I'll just wait for a half-mile gap during rush hour and then slowly get up to speed. Aw, there's like a cute little line behind me, I'm like a mother duck with her ducklings. Aw, the guy behind me is even CALLING me mother duck! I am adorable.
PA, get it together, son.
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